


Of oaths and bonds

by taywin



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Albus Dumbledore Bashing, Alternate Universe, Attempted Rape/Non-Con, Evil Albus Dumbledore, Gen, Hogwarts Fifth Year, I'm Bad At Summaries, James Potter Lives, Lily Evans Potter Lives, M/M, Manipulative Albus Dumbledore, Mentions of Slavery, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Past Rape/Non-con, Rating May Change, Sane Voldemort (Harry Potter), Torture, long fic, soon to be sane voldemort
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-22
Updated: 2019-06-08
Packaged: 2019-06-12 21:01:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 32
Words: 41,048
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15348648
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/taywin/pseuds/taywin
Summary: There was a time when the plans made sense, a time when he was in love with the monster in front of him. Those times are over and Severus has changed sides.Then Lily and James Potter are found alive and he doesn't know in who to trust anymore.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> English is not my first language, so I apologize beforehand for any mistake.

Severus stands in front of the open doors of Malfoy manor. Fourteen years ago, he had sworn to never set a foot in that place again, but he doubts Voldemort will accept a stupid fight as an excuse for not assisting to a meeting. 

He had practically lived there in his youth. His room was outside, attached to the potion labs and near the greenhouse, Lucius had built it himself. It was supposed to be somewhere where Severus could sleep when he stayed late brewing and ended up too tired to return to the manor. Severus had claimed it as his own after a while, bringing multiple books, adding a small office and moving his entire research there. 

It was likely that Lucius had demolished the place, the books going to the library and his notes burned. Years of research going to the fire, it was painful, but Severus was not a welcome guest anymore. 

After the first war, Lucius couldn't reconcile to the idea of Severus working for Dumbledore at Hogwarts. He refused to listen Severus' reasons, saying the old man just wanted to use him. Severus knew it was partially true, but it was Dumbledore who healed him when he was freed from Azkaban, and the one who gave him a job and treated him with kindness despite his past. 

The dispute escalated, and they ended shouting each other. Lucius had his wand against his throat when Narcissa intervened, asking him kindly to leave. In his rage, Severus did it, slamming the door behind and swearing to never return. He had been too proud to apologize and they had not spoken since. 

The throbbing pain in his arm reminds him that he is late. It was increasing so he steps inside and walks as fast as he can, taking a few seconds to calm his breath before opening the door to the ballroom. 

Inside, the death eaters form a circle around the Dark Lord. He recognizes the grey eyes of Lucius behind the white mask and knows the empty spot as his right belongs to him. 

There are several unoccupied spaces, since their master's return nobody had been brave enough to occupy the places of those dead or in Azkaban. The later will claim them eventually and any smart witch or wizards knows what Bellatrix would do if someone dares to do it. 

"Severus, you are late," Said the Lord smoothly, and he thanked to whoever bastard was going to die for having his master in such a good mood. 

He bows, "My apologies, master," 

No further information is provided. If the Dark Lord wants an explanation, he will ask for it directly; otherwise he would be punished for make him lose his time. 

Voldemort waves his hand dismissively, "Go to your place" 

As he obeys, he starts to think in a way of telling Dumbledore that another member of the order has been killed and prepares mentally for the guilt trip he will be subject. It wouldn't be the first time, yet it didn't make it easier. 

"We have two special guests with us tonight," Severus tries to focus in the fact he was not the one tortured and not in the disappointed eyes of Albus, "but first, I will like to make a little trip in time." The Dark Lord walks to Severus, the corner of his lips slightly quirking up, as if he had seen something amusing in him, "Do you remember old times, Severus?" 

The skeletal hand reaches Severus' hood and pull it down, then he gently removes his mask, revealing his face to the death eaters. 

Although everybody in the room knows exactly who he is, he feels suddenly exposed. The Dark Lord studies him carefully, playing with the mask between his fingers; but Severus has learnt to mask his emotion and does not let his discomfort shows. 

Voldemort doesn't return it to his owner, putting it in his pocket instead, "Do you remember the first war, Severus? Do you remember what you asked me then?" Yes, he remembers, but he knows better than answer. If he is going to join the two strangers, it is better not to provoke his master, "You asked me to spare the life of that mudblood friend of yours, didn't you?" 

The last is said in a warning tone, and he had no other alternative but answer, "Yes, master, I do remember" 

"You were a loyal servant back then, skilful, useful, you deserved it," It sounds like an apology, even if the tone is not apologetic at all, "Tell me, if you could ask for a reward right now, do you think you deserve it?" 

A trick question, and Severus knows how to answer to that, "No, my lord" 

The Dark Lord smiles conformed, "That is exactly what I told myself," The red eyes fix on his and he feels the usual pull in his mind. As always, Severus shows him what he wants him to see. "You have not brought me valuable information lately, and you arrive late to almost every meeting," He wants to complain that it isn't his fault, that with the toad watching every move, is hard to leave Hogwarts and be on time for the meetings, but his master is already aware of this, "You do not deserve any reward for now, Severus" 

"I understand, master" 

Voldemort laughs, it was a disturbing laugh, nothing alike to the man he once was, "Of course you do, you are a smart man, Severus" 

He turns to the others, "Alecto, Amycus, let our guests come in" 

The siblings come out and return little after, bringing a man and a woman with them. They were glaring but none of them try to get away and it has probably something to do with the wands pointing to their necks. 

The two death eaters hit them in the back of their knees and they fall ungraceful in front of the Dark Lord and, in consequence, of him. He is grateful the Dark Lord was facing to the other side, because his heart skips a beat when the green eyes of the woman return his look.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the comments and kudos, here is another chapter

The Dark Lord speaks to him again, "Now, you freely admitted that you do not deserve a reward"

"Master-"

"And when you came back to me," He continues as if Severus has not talked, "you said-- how it was?" The half-snake man strokes his chin as if he were in deep thought, "You said to me, 'Sacrifices must be done for the cause'"

"My Lord, please," He starts but the Dark Lord interrupts him again.

"I thought you did not have feelings for her anymore," The tone is cold, all signal of mocking gone. Severus cannot determine if it is jealousy or the lie, but the red eyes are glowing dangerous. "Were you lying to me, Severus?"

"No my Lord, I would never dare to do such thing" He manages to impress security in his voice. Voldemort studies him with the look, deciding what to do.

Severus stares back with a calm he doesn't feel, pondering what his options are in the meantime. There were over thirty death eaters, if they try to run, they will not make it to the door. On the other side, to beg for Lily's life was resulting pointless. And the words of Dumbledore still resounded inside his head. 

_You do not care about the deaths of her husband and child. You disgust me._

Even if he manages to convince the Lord to spare Lily's life, asking for James' woudn't be credible and the three of them will end up dead.

"You arrived late today," Says Voldemort in a tone that augured nothing good, "I think the best way to make the lesson stick is to do the job yourself," His blood ran cold, Voldemort couldn't ask for him to kill Lily, he rather die than being Lily's murderer, "Do not worry Severus, you only have to kill one of them, I am sure Dumbledore will forgive you if you take the other back with you"

He almost sighs in relief, he will have to deal with Dumbledore and Lily's hate later, but she would be alive and that's enough for him. 

Holding his wand tightly, he steps forward and points between Potter's eyes. Twenty years before it would have brought him pleasure, having his torturer knelt in front of him, at his complete mercy, however now, knowing how much others will suffer because of it, it wasn't so easy.

The curse is forming in his mouth and there are already green sparkles at the end of his wand, but the Dark Lord puts a hand over his shoulder to stop him.

"Start with her, will you?" He whispers to his ear.

"My Lord, you said that only one of them has to die"

Voldemort lets out an insane laughter, and the death eaters laugh along with him, "Did I say that you could choose?"

Severus doesn't answers and lowers his wand, fixing his eyes on the floor, "Master, please do not make do it"

Any chance of save her life is lost, she was going to die that night. That leaves two options, someone kills Lily and later kills him for disobeying, or only she is killed and then Severus has to take his own life. 

The Dark Lord makes a gesture and his wand is convoked. He doesn't fight it, instead, he faces his master again.

There is not the wrath he was expecting but an amused smile, "You _were_ lying," He doesn't say a word, neither move from his place, "Severus, I am not angry at you. All those year under the old coot's watch have softened you."

A white finger lifts his chin and his eyes meet Voldemort's. He enters to his mind in a vicious way, exploring at pleasure since the day he started to work at Hogwarts. It was painful and it took everything in him to keep the compromising memories locked and resist the urge of expelling him. 

Seeing it was almost over, Severus decides to use the chance and bring other memories to the surface. Old times memories, those he has managed to keep away from Dumbledore and would send him straight to Azkaban if someone learns about them.

It's a desperate act, a last attempt of waking up the lost soul of the one who once was his lover. His initiation, their times together, and whatever he can think that return a pinch of sanity to Voldemort's head.

A backhand smack across his face is the proof of his failure. The strength sends him to the floor and he rushes to put on his knees, not venturing to stand, knowing his master is furious. His hairs are pulled back so roughly that he can feel some them detaching from the scalp.

"You are pathetic, Severus. Offering yourself like this? Have you ever look yourself at the mirror?" Again there were laughs around the room, but Severus is more interested in Voldemort's attitude. It was like he didn't remember what had happened between them at all. "Go back to your place, I have another surprise prepared for you"

He crawls back to Lucius side, he can't trust his legs and he won't risk to anger Voldemort more than he already is. 

The Dark Lord points to the door with his wand. A leather object flies from the door and land in his hands. Taking it from one of its ends, he presents it to Severus, "Do you recognize this, Severus?"

He pales at the view of the runes, moving backwards shaking his head franticly. Lily, Lucius and everyone else is forgotten in his fear, the only he can think is about how much he hates the collar in front of him.

"You do not recognize it?" Asks again Voldemort entertained at the view of his suffering. 

The last of his dignity leaves, and he bursts into tears. He curls against the wall, staring with pleading eyes as he nods, "Please master, please"

Severus gets in all four and leans forward to kiss his master feet, but a kick in his jaw sends him away.

"As I say, pathetic," His hair is pulled again and he is dragged to the centre of the room, "I wonder why I did not use it before, you seems to respond well to it," Voldemort moves to his back, reposing the end of the collar on Severus' shoulder, "I feel generous today. I will give you one last chance," Severus looks up to Voldemort with hope, who dedicates him a sadistic smile before continuing, "kill the mudblood and this goes back to my wardrobe."

He nods, not really processing to what he is agreeing. Someone helps him to his feet and put his wand in his hand, guiding it in the right direction. Still with tears in his eyes he supports all his weight in whoever is at his side, preparing to say the words and finish with his nightmare.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this take a little longer than the others.  
> As always, thank you for your comments and kudos, I really appreciate them.

It feels like he isn't there. 

He knows that it is Lily who stares at him from the floor, and that the man pointing at her is he. He even knows what he has to do, but he just can't feel it. 

“You are a coward, Snape,” spats Potter, taking him out of his daze. 

He can't agree more. He is a coward, but if they only knew what that collar means for him they would understand the cause of his cowardice. 

That collar, _the collar_ , was the protagonist of most of his nightmares. It had been the one his parents had put on him the night he was returned to them, after running away. It had been a stupid thing to do. They had sent a letter to Dumbledore and the man went for him himself. 

Severus refused to give him his reasons for leaving, thus the headmaster had forced him to go back and surrender his wand during the summers. 

According to Lucius and the Lord it had been a week he spent there after that but he can't really tell, the little he remembers about it the better. However, after twenty-one years pushing down those memories, they all are coming up at once. 

He nods to Potter’s words. His hand trembling so hard that he has his doubts the spell will hit Lily or it will deviate to one of the death eaters at her back. 

Thinking in the right spell seems impossible. He definitely can't use _avada kedavra_ , he needs to really mean it to kill with it. _Sectumsempra_ sounds like a cruel joke since they had created it together, but it is the only other he can think to grantee her a quick dead. Or better said, it is the only other he can think at all. 

'I am sorry,' He mouths and she smiles at him understanding. 

It would have been easier if she could just hate him and proliferate insults as Potter is doing. And he hates her, because he realizes he can't kill her. Not now, not ever. 

His wand falls to the ground. A move of Voldemort's hand and it is gone. He is furious, and without a word he is closing a hand around Severus' throat. It goes away as soon as it came, being replaced by the collar. He passes his wand over it and any signal of the joining point disappear. 

Two men grab his arms and he panics. He doesn't hear anything else, he is too busy kicking and begging. Flashes of his childhood filling his mind. 

_His hands are tied behind his back. He kicks and insults, fighting to be freed._

“Severus,” Someone talk to him but he is confused, they don’t use his name anymore. 

_People is touching everywhere and he struggles and begs but he is ignored_

“Follow my breath Severus,” Orders the voice and he knows he has to obey, but it is so hard to do it. “Come back to reality” 

_Someone forcing polyjuice down his throat..._. 

“Severus, come back,” The other repeats and this time he recognizes him. “You are not there anymore, Severus, open your eyes.” 

He does as he’s told and find himself in the cellar of Malfoy manor with Lucius in front of him. His mask is still in place, but the hood is down. Any doubt about his identity is dispelled when he sees the unmistakable blond hair neatly tied back. 

His wrists are held by the blonde. There are blisters covering his hands but they don't hurt. It is not surprising, there is a curse in the collar that makes it burn whenever he touches it. 

He lift an eyebrow, “Do you mind?” 

“Can I trust you will not touch it?” 

Severus nods and his wrist are freed. Lucius gently grabs one of his hands heals it with his wand, then, he repeats the procedure with the other. 

“Thanks,” He opens and closes them, the sensitivity slowly returning. “When did you redecorate?” 

In his times, that place was used to store dark objects, not people. The stone floor and walls were the same but the cells were certainly a new acquisition. 

“When your friends arrived,” Lucius looks pointedly to the Potters, before going away. 

He wishes he had not asked, he is too mentally exhausted to deal with them and their pity. Walking to the corner, he grabs a shabby blanket and throws it over himself, deciding it would be easier with his head clearer in the morning.


	4. Chapter 4

The hard floor welcomes him to the reality, its coldness slightly soothing the pain. His jaw still hurts, and his muscles complains when he moves. 

He groans loudly when he remembers the events of the night before. Or what he supposes was the night before.

A few meters away, the Potters sleep peaceful. Embarrassment washes over him. He had acted like a baby, and in front of none other than James Potter. Not even in his dead bed he is going to be free from the Griffindor's humiliations.

In front of him a small vial is floating. As he grabs it, he stares inquisitively to the guard, who, for some reason, still wears his death eater clothes. 

The man just shrugs, "For the favour last year"

It was Goyle sr., Severus had taken Gregory to meet his new brother in a Hogsmeade weekend, after Dumbledore denied the boy permission to leave the school. It was dangerous to go behind the backs of the headmaster, however the kid was so excited that he couldn't refuse.

Now it's paying off, and if everyone in there decides to return favours, his last days would be quite comfortable. 

"How long?" He asks, not really expecting an answer. The other had risked enough with the potion

"Just one day," 

He nods in appreciation and drinks, the pain going away at once. 

His attention returns to the Potters. 

They were thin, but not as thin as a war prisoner should be. The Lord had been gone for thirteen years, they shouldn't be even alive. Or the so called 'Light side' was lying, or these aren't Lily and James Potters. His instinct tells him it is the former and not the later, and he rather it that way. If he was going to die, it will be at least with the idea of having seen Lily one last time.

He walks towards couple and covers them gently with the blanket . They are snuggling and he hopes the extra warm put an end to the revolting scene. Taking off his cloak he is about to do the same but the hand of Lily stops him. She stirs and sits, rearranging the blanket over her husband.

He offers the cloak again, "I insist"

This time she accepts and wraps it around her shoulder, "You have always been a gentleman, Sev"

She smiles, and he notices a few teeth are broken. Also her skin looks too pale to be healthy and he wonders how he missed it earlier.

Suddenly, her expressions darkens, and for a moment he thinks he had been caught staring.

"They said Harry is alive," It isn't a question, but he notices a hint of fear in her voice.

"Hogwarts, fifth year. An insufferable brat like his father."

She chuckles unoffended, glancing fondly at James, "I can imagine that"

Severus goes back to what he considers his corner now, a part of him disappointed of how she is defending Potter's past actions.

She follows him, stroking his cheek and sitting at his side, "They said you are a teacher, I know you would never let him turn in what James was"

"Was?" He snorts.

"He changed, Sev"

An uncomfortable silence fills the room, any further word would offend the other and endanger their friendship again.

"I missed you," Says she finally and he nods.

She moves in front of him and glares, crossing her arms over her chest. Severus's lips curve in amusement, "I missed you too, Lils"

Her expression changes to curiosity, her fingers passing over the collar without touching it. He makes an effort and doesn't move, letting her explore at will. He can't blame her, he would also be curious if he were her.

"You can touch it, the curse was made only against me,"

Something in his voice betray him, because she retires her hand and returns to his side, "But you would prefer if I don't,"

There is no point in lying, "Yes"

"Are you going to tell me?" Asks she softly, her hand reposing over his.

He doesn't want to do it, in twenty-one years he had not say a word about what happened that summer, but this was Lily. She is his best friend, even after so many years, even after what he has done. She needs to understand why he was willing to kill her. 

"Just my parent being sick bastards," It is not an explanation, and there is little chances she conforms with that, but he had to try.

"Your parents?" She repeats frowning, "It has runes on it, your dad was a muggle," Severus keeps silence, letting her figurate things on her own. When she does, she takes her hands to cover her mouth in horror, "God"

"I ran away when I was fourteen, when I returned, they used it as a reminder of my place," He makes a pause, needing a moment to ponder how much to reveal, "It was really bad Lily, they would have killed me if I stayed"

"Why did you return? Why didn't you go to my house?"

Severus snorts, "Your parents hated my guts, Lils," She was going to protest but Severus didn't let her, "My parents managed to convince Dumbledore that everything was fine, imagine how easy would have been with your parents."

"Dumbledore?"

"They sent a letter to Dumbledore. I do not know how, but they did and next day I had him scolding me for hurting them that way."

Lily pass an arm around his shoulder and pulls him to her lap. She begins to scratch his head and it's so relaxing that he is tempted to stop the story there. Once she hears all of it, she would be disgusted, but if someone deserves to know, it is her.

"Tell me more," She encourages kindly, "You need to talk about this and I am here to listen"

"I cursed my father that summer," he closes his eyes, doing his best to keep his emotions at bay, "And came here, to the manor. Dumbledore send me back next day. He took away my wand, threatened with expulsion at the first problem,

"When I returned," His breath fastens, memories swirling fast in his mind. She was wrong, he doesn't need this. "They put the collar and-" The voices, the cruel words, all come back to his head and he can't continue.

She strokes gently his face, "It wasn't your fault Sev,"

After a pause, he collects himself and speaks again ,"Dumbledore put wards around the house, neither Lucius nor Narcissa could come closer, thus Lucius went to the Dark Lord. My mother demanded money and a slavery bond, for their protection-"

"I thought it was just a myth," Lily and Severus jump in their places at the voice of James, none of them had realized he was awake, "Sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt," He adds sheepishly, "But I thought the slavery bond was just a myth to scare children into doing something"

"It is illegal and almost unseen nowadays, but exists. It was used to finish wars, your child in exchange for the your safety. It works like an unbreakable vow, he can't harm them, directly or indirectly."

Moving from Lily's lap, he lifts his hair and turns around for them to see. At the base of the skull, just above the collar, the Slytherin sigil was tattooed.

"Is like it wanted to be disguised," Says Potter pressing a finger on the pink drawing. Lily bats his hand away, "Sorry"

Severus let his hair fall back and turn to them again, "It was the objective. The Dark Lord showed it to me when I was sixteen"

"Sick bastard," Lily holds his hand, "Severus, had I known you were force-"

"I was not forced to do anything, Lily. It was my mother who did this. It is amazing how pathetic she acted with my father, yet how cunning she was to ensure protection from the Dark Lord himself"

She takes his hand to his lips, kissing it kindly and when she speaks, she does it in a sweet tone, as if she were talking to a small child, "He put a collar on you Sev, he has been abusing you for all these years"

Severus closes his eyes and leans back against the wall, "He wasn't always like that Lils. He took the collar away as soon as I arrived to his house, I thought he had burned it"

"But he didn't," He rolls his eyes, "I know, it is obvious, but you need to realize he was expecting something like this to happen"

"I have never had the chance to look into it, but I suppose it is somewhat linked to my magic," She stares with sadness at him and shakes her head, "Maybe you are right and he is a sick bastard," He concedes finally, "but he treated me well when I lived with him, and when we were together. He had never treated me as a slave, not until now."

Lily stares at him with wide eyes, "When you were together? Together how?"

Keeping a straight face, Severus replies, "When I was seventeen, the Dark Lord and I started a romantic relationship." Before they could pry further in his private life, he changes the subject, "I think is time to discuss how you two are not dead yet."


	5. Chapter 5

The more he listens to the Potters, the more he convinces himself that Dumbledore is the one lying.

They were kidnapped the second week of August, more than two months before their supposed dead. Pettigrew had never been their secret keeper, they had selected some squib friend who lived in America, in the hopes the Dark Lord wouldn't go so far. The only one with the address was Dumbledore, who through a note from the man could give it to others. They never had contact with their friend again, and when they were attacked, they assumed he had die or give them away. One thing was a small favour, and another was endure torture for someone who lives in another continent.

On the other side, during their confinement they had been treated with a hospitality unheard of from the death eaters. Food twice a day, a copy of the prophet 'accidentally' forgotten near the bars every once in a while and nutritional potions when their health began to deteriorate. That wasn't how the Dark Lord troops acted.

"We read about Harry about a year ago. They left a copy of the witch weekly, they talked about his girlfriend," Says Lily with a small smile in her face.

"She looked like a nice girl, but love potions?" Severus almost laugh at James but contained himself. The man had never characterized for being particularly smart, believing in a stupid magazine was something totally expected from him, "It kept us alive, you know, the possibility of see him again"

"Would you tell us?" Asks Lily, her green eyes begging at him, "Please, tell us how he is"

Severus can't say no, and for the first time he speaks about the virtues of the boy instead of his defects. 'Good seeker', 'skilled in defence' replaces the 'arrogant and mediocre' he usually spat when he is talking about the boy. The couple will die, they didn't need to hear Severus's real thoughts.

"He is wonderful," Says Lily finally, "Is like he inherited our best traits"

He gives a short nod, years of spying taught him to keep a straight face even when he was telling the worst of the lies.

\-----------------------------------------------

As the days go by, he confirms the death eaters are returning him favours. They speaks loudly about dates to keep them informed, and he always had fresh water and a clean cell.

He enjoyed when they 'tripped' with the food all over James and they later used a _scourgify_ on him to clean him. In one occasion the spell was applied with such violence, that he couldn't avoid to laugh at the other face. It earned him a glare from Lily, but for the first time he didn't care.

The guard of turn was Macnair. So far he was the only in enter without his mask. He always came accompanied by Lucius and this wasn't the exception. Severus appreciate it, there was something in the executioner that make him extremely uncomfortable.

"Did you remember telling Yaxley about the greenhouse? He will be punished if he doesn't destroy it"

The nature of the talk calls his attention. The greenhouse was where his bedroom used to be, there was no reason to destroy anything in there.

"And why should I care?" Asks Macnair, "It is just a room, why it is so important?"

"I can't tell you, but it needs to be done,"

"Or he will be punished" Mutters the other thoughtful. He waves his hand dismissively and add in a louder voice, "Don't worry, I already told him"

Severus was sure the sadistic bastard has not say a word in the hopes that his fellow death eater will be tortured in the next meeting. He knew better, Voldemort will read both minds and punish them accordingly.

"Are you sure, I can tell him in my way off if you want"

"Are you my secretary? Please, cancel my next meeting," Mocks Macnair, "Go to do your things, I will watch this scum in the meantime"

An uneasy feeling install in his stomach. If Lucius goes away, it means they will endure torture for the first time since they were thrown there. James and he share a look, they would have to protect Lily at any cost.

Without another word Lucius walks away, closing the door behind.

"They still think you are going to escape," Says Macnair staring to the entry, "Or that _he_ is going to forgive you." He points the door with his wand and lock it with a spell, "He won't, he already got tired of you," His sadistic grin widening when he looks at them, "But I always have been curious"

The door of the cell opens and Macnair walks in, moving towards him as a cat hunting his prey. Severus gives a step back, then another, and he continues doing so until his back is touching the wall. 

Despite his clear fear, he manages to keep his voice steady, "Curious about sex? I know you are ugly, but I always thought you had paid for it," He half shrug, "I guess even prostitutes have standards"

The grin in Macnair doesn't waver, "You would know about that, wouldn't you?"

He can listen his own heartbeat pounding in his ears. His eyes follow every move of the other, catching the hand in the air before it could touch him, "Let me the fuck alone"

"Are you scare, Snape? I would say you are," Macnair grabs both of his wrists pressing them against the wall. His head leans forward, their mouths just a few centimetres away, "Pathetic, that is what you are when you are alone" 

"Leave him alone," Says Potter going to attack, but his attempt is easily frustrated by a binding spell. Macnair throws another to Lily as a precaution.

"Who would have thought it, the great Severus Snape scared like a child," He snorts, his eyes brightening with lust, "Don't worry baby, Daddy is here"

The words trigger something in him and suddenly he is crying silently against the wall. A finger comes to clean his tears, the nail digging in his cheek until it bleeds.

"Please," He breathes begging him.

Macnair mouth goes to his ear and whispers, "Please what, Sev? Please continue?"

"Please, no"

"No?" He kisses him hungrily, "No?" A flick of Macnair wand and both of them are naked, "You are enjoying this Severus, now, be a good boy and behave," His tongue licks the lobe of his ear, taking it in his mouth and clamping his teeth. on it 

"No," He repeats desperate, "No"

"No? You are not a little boy? Maybe I should had said little girl-"

The sentence is cut by a explosion. Next thing he knows, he is shaking, his breath is hard, and Macnair's wand is in his hand.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, thank you for your kudos and comments, it always make me happy to know what you think. Here goes another chapter.

"Snape!" Shouts Potter, bringing him out of his daze. 

Cancelling the binding spell and unlocking the door, he grabs his cloak from the floor and jumps over Macnair's body. He doesn't stop to see if the couple is following as he starts running. 

He knows that manor as if it were his own and takes the less transited paths. A few silent spells and the few death eater in their way go to sleep, buying them some time.

They have just reached main door when someone spots them. He dodges a red light when he is crossing it, but hears a groan of pain from Lily. A sideway glance and he confirms she is still behind, James dragging her by the arm. 

He curses left and right, not thinking in what he is doing, only his experience in battles keeping them alive.

His mind is trying to find a way to leave the manor's grounds. There should be already ten or more death eaters in the outside gates, with only one wand which wasn't even his own, it would be impossible to pass them.

Flashes of the strange conversation between Lucius and Macnair come to his head. There was an apparition point in the greenhouse, the only apparition point in the manor's grounds. That's why it had to be destroyed, and that is why the information couldn't be divulged. 

Not allowing himself to think in the implications of it, he heads to the place, finding the structure of the building still intact. 

Casting a revealing spell where the apparition point should be, he identifies a few wards. It was a good signal, people doesn't put protection spells for nothing.

He quickly disable them and pushes the two Gryffindors as he closes his eyes, hoping for the best.

\---------------------------------------------------------

They apparate in the outside of the muggle entry to St. Mungo. After checking none of them has split, he invokes a _patronus_ to inform Shacklebolt what happened. He has no strength to send another to Dumbledore, his outburst of accidental magic and the apparation with the other two have drained all his magic and he will need a moment to recover it.

A part of him knows it is just a excuse for not doing it. He doesn't trust in the old man anymore and prefer to have witnesses if he tries to do something against Lily. 

Once everything is ready, tiredness takes over him. He couldn't care less if he is dressed only is his cloak and underwear in the middle of the street at twelve degrees, he goes to sit at the walkway and pulls up his knees to his chest. His mind begins to go over the last few hours

Lucius had orchestrated a plan of escape with less than a one percent of chances of being successful, and that entailed the risk of him being raped. His intentions may have been the best, but if Macnair had not said those exact words in the moment he did, the story would have been completely different.

And Lucius had no way to know when Macnair was going to say it.

There was no one left. Dumbledore was a liar, the Dark Lord had gone completely insane, and Lucius almost got him raped. 

"Severus," Lily tries but he completely ignores her. 

His hand goes to the dark mark, tracing the lines absently as every time he needed comfort as a teenager. After a while the mark emits a nice warm, but Severus can't determine if he is actually feeling it or it is just his mind playing tricks. 

There is the characteristic sound of an apparition, a gasp, and people talking. He feels completely numb and doesn't have the strength to look, not even when someone kneels in front of him.

"So far they seem to be who they say," Informs Shacklebolt, not obtaining any response from Severus, "Tonks is taking their declaration." He is still is staring at the emptiness. They could do whatever they wanted, his job was already done, "Lily has an ugly burn in her arm but otherwise they are fine. You saved their life, Severus," Shacklebolt tries again but Severus's eyes never abandon the floor, "I will leave this robe in here for when you are ready," 

He looks at the folded robe and nods, his right hand still in the mark, "We will take the three of you to St. Mungo, they will take samples and then you can shower if you want"

Tears suddenly prick at his eyes. He doesn't want a shower, what he wants is to sleep. In a bathtub. With water filling his lungs.

"He didn't rape me," Says Severus more to himself than to the auror.

Kingsley sighs. "Don't worry about that now." 

With a single scratch in the potion master's head, he moves away to greet Dumbledore. The words 'shock' 'naked' and 'rape' are said and he knows they are speaking about him. Severus blinks a few times, he needs to put himself together to face the headmaster.

The headmaster finish talking with the aurors goes to him.

"Severus," There is no compassion in the tone, nor in the look, and Severus understand he is useless for the cause now, "please stand," It is not a petition but an order, with a hint of reproach in it, "Can you tell me what happened?"

"They were kidnapped before the end of the first war. The Dark Lord asked me to kill them, when I refused he lock me with them. I stole Macnair's wand brought us here, and called Shacklebolt. I couldn't call you because I had no more magic left, and with Umbridge in the school I supposed it was for the best to call him first." Summarizes Severus.

"Yes, I already talked to James and Lily, they also mentioned a slavery bond?"

Without waiting for permission, Dumbledore takes off the cloak and examines the collar. He tugs at it, causing his head to follow. Humiliation floods over him, and he grabs firmly the other's wrists to stop. The grip in his collar becomes tighter, threatening to choke him, and Severus let him go. Dumbledore loosens his holds but continues exploring.

"Seems tight," The comment humiliate even more, especially when a finger is placed between the collar and his neck. He feels like a dog, but this time he knows better than try to stop the headmaster, "How does it feel?"

No, not like a dog. He is sure an animal would be treated with more respect.

"Tight," He replies in a simple, plane voice.

Dumbledore smiles pleased, "I am afraid I can't take it away without harming Severus."

Severus observes the others' reactions, wondering if he is the only one who notices that explanation wasn't given to him but to them.

The two aurors pay no mind at Dumbledore's words, not amusement neither confusion, as if it were an everyday thing. And maybe it was and he had never realized. After all the lies he wasn't sure of anything with the headmaster anymore.

Lily and James frowns but he can't tell if it is for Dumbledore's attitude or because they are trying to understand the science behind the collar. After a while they nod in silence.

"Well?" Asks the headmaster urging him to continue the story.

"When I was fourteen, after you take away my wand, my parents decided they didn't want me in their lifes anymore, so they contacted the Dark Lord and sold me to him"

"Sold? What do you mean with sold?" Shacklebolt interrupts him.

The answer is not necessary, but Severus stares blankly at him and answers anyway, "As a slave. They exchanged me for money"

There is a sharp breath, he supposes it's from Tonks, but he is more interested in Dumbledore, whose expression doesn't give anything away. He takes it as a signal to continue.

"They agree to make a slavery bond," With his left hand he moves the hair upward, turning around and inclining his head so the headmaster could have a better look. He hisses in pain when a finger is pressed against it. "It hurts when a powerful wizard touches it," Dumbledore faces him and smiles apologetic. The change confuses him. This was the fatherly figure with who he had treated all those years, "I can touch the mark but the collar is cursed"

"Only for you?"

"Yes," He brushes it with his fingertips and shows the burned skin to the headmaster, "I went to live with him after that, took the dark mark at fifteen and work in the labs since then."

"And you got involved in a sexual relationship with him," Completes Dumbledore, and he curses the Potters for not keeping their mouth shut, "Was that a part of the deal?"

Deciding it was for the best not to clarify that the relationship wasn't solely sexual, he replies, "It is slavery, but it didn't start until I was of age and he never forced me"

This time was Shacklebolt who spoke, "But if he had wanted to force you, could he had done it through the bond?" 

"Yes, but considering I was fourteen, half of his size and with nowhere else to go, he could had done it even without the bond."

Shacklebolt closes his eyes and Tonks opens them wide. An interesting contrast, especially considering those two are aurors and should be used to deal with cases like that. Except they aren't. Those two had dedicated their entire career to Dumbledore's cause, and had little experience in dealing with victims, or normal crimes for the case.

Dumbledore sends him a stern look for the rude tone, "Nymphadora, Kingsley, please help Lily and James to St. Mungo."

They obey, taking one Potter each, even if the couple is in perfect condition to do it themselves. Also Severus is, so he doesn't complain when they go ahead and he is left to dress. 

In a way he is grateful. His survival instinct tells him to run. As soon as he put a foot in the hospital, aurors will arrive and take him to Azkaban.

Slowly he buttons his new robes, which turns to be a transfiguration of someone's cloak done in a rush. He is almost finished when his left forearm pinches painfully.

"He wants me back," Informs he to Dumbledore. Something in the eyes of the old man has changed when he turns, "I can convince him, I have a plan"


	7. Chapter 7

Nobody goes to meet him on his arrival, as if they were expecting him to walk to his death on his own feet. And he does. He travels through the Malfoy's ground and hallways, returning to the cell that has been his home for the last few weeks.

Anything the Dark Lord could do to him, it will always be better than what the aurors have prepared for him in Azkaban. They would take pleasure in breaking a non-trained slave into submission, and no one would bat an eye. Once his condition is revealed, his rights as human being are over.

It is the main reason why he has lied to Dumbledore. There is no plan except avoiding jail, because, even if he dies in a cell at the hands of his master, he will be more free than if he had follow them to that hospital.

Hearing the steps in the stairs, he gets down on his knees, staring at the floor as the steel door opens. He feels a warm sensation on his neck for a few seconds before the cold of the cellar hit it. The collar falls on the floor, and he leans forward to grab it and deliver it to his master in signal of gratitude. This time he is aware of the pain when the blisters form, having to bite his lip for not to complain. Before further damage could be done, Voldemort summons it to himself.

"Look who finally obeys," Says the Dark Lord in a sneering tone, "too late, I m afraid. You don't think you are going to get out of here alive, do you?"

Silence fills the room, only Severus breathing resounding in the stone walls. He concentrates in keep it even, feigning calm despite the pain on his hand. After a while, he realizes it is not a rhetorical question.

"No master, I do not"

"Do you know why I called you, Severus ?" Severus is about to answer but the Dark Lord continues, "I was not going to let you die like a dog, even if you turn out to be a disgusting rat"

A cruciatus hits him. He tries to resist, but after a few minutes he can't hold back his scream. 

"If we are being honest, I was not expecting you to show up," Says Voldemort in a quiet, dangerous voice, "Why are you here, Severus? Why didn't you ask to your dear headmaster to save you?"

"I want my dead be at your hand, master"

Another curse, this time a whipping spell. It feels like if his skin is tearing from inside, blood flowing from the new welts. They won't heal at least the counter-curse is applied, but they wouldn't kill him. Not yet.

Voldemort doesn't comment in his reply, instead, another curse strikes him, and another after that. He stops counting, more interested in go through the pain that the numbers. Torture, that was the objective of the Lord calling him, and in spite of that, he was still grateful of not being collared anymore.

At some point he passes out, waking up later in the same cold floor. Every inch of his body hurts, stains of blood cover the floor and his body, but only a few recent wounds still bleed. His misery will not end anytime soon.

The Dark Lord comes occasionally, tortures him, and then retires without a word. He is his only in visitor, and the silence is driving him insane, but he won't be the one in try to start a conversation with his master.

It might be the lack of food or water, but he feels weaker as the time goes. Maybe he is just too exhausted to keep fighting. Whatever the reason, his time awake become lesser and lesser, falling unconscious as soon as the next curse is casted. 

It doesn't matter how many enervate or how many potions he is forced to drink, he is unable of responding.

"This stopped being fun," Muses the Dark Lord in one of the rare occasions he is awake.

Not sure if the Dark Lord is talking to him or with himself, Severus moves a little. It is nice having another voice to hear for a change, so he does a last effort and push himself to his knees.

"Give me a excuse, Severus," Says the Lord putting a finger over Severus's hairs. He reposes his head on his master legs, incapable of hold it on his own, "Give me a reason good enough to betray me and I will finish with you"

There are so many, but he can't bring himself to speak. His hand goes to his mark, looking for something to comfort him. Someone is stroking his face and it feels so real that he leans into the touch. He freezes when he realizes it is real.

Lifting his head is the hardest he has done in his entire life, but he manages to do it, finding his master's eyes. They aren't glowing red anymore, and they are staring at him confused.

His lips curve in a smile. If he is going to die this would be the perfect time.

"Your arm" Orders Voldemort but Severus can't move, there is no strength left. He lets out a soft whine, begging to any existent god that it will be over while a part of his lover is still there.

Voldemort yanks his arm, squeezing tightly and studying his mark. With his wand first and then his fingers.

"It is different from the others" 

He blinks as affirmation. To difference of the others, his mark has been tattooed for protection, so he could alert the Dark Lord if he was in danger. Three years later, he demanded to the Lord to take a mark too so the communication could go both ways. He had thought that connection had been lost with his new body. 

Voldemort release his arm, "You are lucky I still have some use for you. You will create a potion to recover my old strength," 

Something that Severus couldn't understand has changed. Not an hour ago the Dark Lord was going to kill him. However, he can't move, much less to ask, so he limits to stare.

"You can leave when you feel better. You have a week"

His wand is thrown in front of him and Voldemort disappear slamming the door behind.


	8. Chapter 8

A wet towel touches his forehead as the smell of potions fill his nose. He entertains himself trying to identify the ingredients before reluctantly open his eyes. With a sigh of resignation, he turns around. Something rough scratches his nose when he does. Not a good signal.

"My boy, you are awake," He groans in response, trying to move away of the uncomfortable sensation of Dumbledore's beard, "Let me help you"

As Albus helps him to sit on the bed, he lets his eyes wander around the room. Last thing he remembers is going into the castle being barely able to walk. 

"What happened?"

"You collapsed when you entered to your quarters," Says Albus, wetting the towel once again, this time pressing it against his neck, "I put some surveillance spells around here. I hope you don't mind"

He does mind. Having Dumbledore snooping around his quarters is the last thing he needs, but considering it was probably what saved his life, he couldn't complain.

"Do you want to see what happened with the Dark Lord?" Dumbledore's hand freezes 'coincidentally' over his mark. It doesn't hurt like when it was in direct contact, but it still emits an uncomfortable warm as a warning.

"You woke up a few times, I already saw it," Severus curses internally, hoping he has not seen anything that left him in a more vulnerable position than he already is, "You seems to have managed it well, but why did he stop? Voldemort said he was going to kill you but changed his mind when he touched your mark" 

There isn't anything in the tone that could be interpreted as a threat, but Severus tenses nevertheless, "The gently touch of my mark used to calm him in the past, I suppose it does the same now"

"Oh, he used it to pleasure himself then" It sounds crude but he doesn't contradict the headmaster, "And he offered you a deal because of that"

Severus thinks carefully his next words, an idea has installed in his head. The dark mark doesn't work that way. The soothing sensation only could be transmitted from one mark to another, it was impossible 'pleasuring himself' with it. 

He wants to make Voldemort to remember before driving into conclusion, but if he tells any of it to Dumbledore it will be his end, "I can trick him. The Dark Lord associates his magic to his old body. If I give his body back, or at least part of it, it will give us some time"

The tension leaves the air. Dumbledore puts away the towel and pat his head, "That is a great idea, my boy"

It sounds so much like what one would say to a pet, and his anger grows again. 

"What's wrong, Severus?" Asks Dumbledore half-concerned, half-annoyed "I know I can be a little harsh on you sometimes, but this comes from nowhere. Can you at least try to tell me what is upsetting you that much," He says in a stern but calm tone, rising from his seat and sighing loudly. He is going to defend himself but Dumbledore doesn't let him, "I am trying to do my best here. But you Severus, you need to learn to control your temper. A little of respect is not too much to ask, is it?"

A knot forms in his stomach, his eyes going to his hands. Many times he has been told the same, it was the reason people always abandon him. Lily had left him after an outburst of rage, Lucius after their discussion turned in a wand fight. If he had just stepped aside, he would still have friends.

Dumbledore had never give up on him, or so he thought. He hates the way he is treated, but maybe it is really for the best.

He closes his eyes. He has to make a decision and the moment is now. His friend in who he doesn't trust anymore, or his lover who could have vanished for good. Despite there are more probabilities that everything with Dumbledore is a misunderstanding, he still choices Voldemort .

"How is Lily?" He says changing the subject.

"They will be discharged from the hospital tomorrow," Dumbledore's kind tone is back. Severus is about to protest it is too early but the headmaster stops him, "It's been a week, Severus"

A week, and he had counted another two locked with the Potters, "Who took over my class?"

"I convinced Horace to return. I do not want to expose the children to another change, but we will be happy to have you back as a head of house"

He snorts, it isn't they want him as a head of house, they need him to be. His Slytherins require complete dedication and not some sycophant whose entire time was spent in parties.

\---------------------------------------------------------------

As Dumbledore said, it was for the best not to change teachers. After the announcement of his return, Severus had started to work in his project, while at the same time tried to fix the behavioural issues inside his house. With Slughorn ignoring them, the kids sought negative attention, taking advantage of the excess of liberties that Umbridge was giving them.

The fights with the other houses were out of control, most of them initiated by the Slytherin but not all. It is what irritates him the most, the assumption it was always his children fault. It doesn't matter how many talks he has with them or how many detention he assigns, as long as the others keep provoking them, the Slytherin are going to fight back. 

Slughorn's parties were another problem. They were causing a division inside the house. The Slytherin used to be united, he had taught them that way, but now their head of house was telling them with his Slug club that some of them were inferiors. It discouraged some students to the point they weren't assisting to class anymore. 

After he finally convinced them to be discrete with their misdeeds, and that he will not tolerate more missing class, he had withdrawn into his office to work fulltime in his project. Of course there was plenty of visits from the other teachers about the children's conduct, but he dismissed them with a simple 'I deal with them later.'

It was now two days before the deadline. Severus has found a way to improve the Dark Lord's appearance, but nothing for his mind. 

He exhales loudly, holding his head in frustration. There is a heap of parchments over the desk and uncountable books scattered on the floor. He grabs one and opens it in a random page, just to throw it across the room.

Someone knocks the door, and as he goes to open it, he swears that if it is another complain about the Slytherins, he will give them something to complain about.

"Professor Umbridge, what a pleasure," He unsuccessfully tries to hide the sarcasm, "How can I help you?"

The woman wrinkles her nose in disgust. If it is for the mess in the room or because of its odour, he can't tell. Or perhaps it is the smell emanating from his own body, he couldn't remember when was the last time he showered.

"Professor Snape, the father of a student comes to see you," Her expression doesn't change, openly showing her disgust with the potion master, "If you need a minute to- ejem- tidy up a little..."

"It will not be necessary," Says a voice behind her with the arrogance only a Malfoy could impress, "Thank you for accompany me, I will take it from here" 

She purses her lips, looking from one man to the other before she straightens up and goes away.

Severus moves aside letting the oldest Malfoy into his office. The man uses his cane to push some piece of parchment out of his way and turns up his nose when a seat is offered. 

"Merlin Severus, you are a wizard, it cost you nothing to clean a little," He points his wand to the books but a cold glare from Severus make him return it to its shield.

"What are you doing here, Lucius?"

Lucius curves an eyebrow, "I saved your life and this is how you treat me?"

"Saved me?" Severus snorts, "That is what you call it now?"

"You are alive, are you not?"

He grits his teeth, his fists clenching at his side. He repeats the words of Dumbledore inside his head, _you need to control your temper_. "You are the only one who knew, Lucius, you are the only one I ever told. The full story. You left me there, with Macnair of all people. You knew what he was going to do"

"I couldn't help you Severus, I will never risk my family," Lucius says a little louder but considerably more calmer than Severus, "If I stayed, Cissy would be dead, it was the only way to give you a chance to escape"

"Nobody asked for your help," Severus shouts at him, unable of contain himself, "You had no way to know how I was going to react," His breath fastens and is shaking with rage, "What is worst, you knew the odds were that I would freeze"

"I know you Severus, you would not have let it happen," His voice doesn't sound so confident now. Severus doesn't answer, breathing deeply, too angry to keep talking, "What did you expect me to do? Would you rather be dead?"

"Yes!"

"Would you rather Evans to be dead?"

"Yes!" Severus pales, realizing what he has just said, he has not hesitated for a second before answering. He doesn't want Lily to die, and he would never kill her himself as it has been proven, but being raped in order to save her live it is asking too much from him.

Lucius looks just as surprised. He passes a hand over his face before speaking, "I am sorry, I shouldn't-" He walks toward him and put his hands over his shoulders, "I made a mistake, but he was going to kill you eventually and I just couldn't look the other way. Not with you"

He nods, guilt overwhelming him. He has no moral to blame Lucius, he has just admitted that he would exchange his friend life for his own wellbeing. Lucius was the only one there who was looking after someone else than himself.

Sighing, he shakes Lucius' hands away and sits behind the desk, offering him the other chair. This time the blonde accepts, being careful where he steps on, "Why are you here, Lucius?"

"He doesn't remember you, but somehow you are still linked to him, that is why he didn't kill you immediately when you refuse to kill the mud- Evans"

"You can call her Potter, I don't care anymore," Lucius just stares at him, as determining if he is saying the true, "And I know"

"It wasn't us, Severus. We all thought they were dead"

"I know that too," Says he shaking his head. It doesn't make sense that after so many years captured, the Dark Lord decides to kill them and prove his loyalties just now, "It only let us two options. Or it was Dumbledore, or there is a third party involved."

"Severus-"

He run his fingers through his hair, "I know, I know. If you hear hoofbeats..." 

"What?"

"A muggle saying, I heard it in an hospital once, when I was little," Lucius scoffs, and Severus rolls his eyes, "never mind. The point is I am almost certain that Dumbledore has kept a few secrets from me."

Lucius grabs one of the notes on the table and examines it carefully. He turns it around and then back to its original position, as trying to find some sort of secret message in it. After a while, he lets it on the table and stares attentively at Severus, who hopes that the blonde had come up with something.

"You reek," Says the blonde finally and Severus can't do anything but huff laugh.

Lucius has never been easy to read. Sometimes he feels tempted to use legilimency on him, just to know what he is thinking, but that would be betray his trust. To difference of Dumbledore, he would never enter in other person's mind without their consent.

Suddenly, an idea appears. He can't return the Dark Lord's old memories if he doesn't know what happened to them in the first place. He has to enter the Dark Lord's mind and be able to wander around without resistance. That will leave complicated spells and potions for later, for now, he just needs to weaken his natural occlumency shields.

He explains it to his friend while he scribbles in a piece of parchment a few modified potions that might work. 

Lucius stares at him as if another head came out of his neck, but then he shrugs and Severus takes it as a win, "I think we could brew something strong enough,"

"We?" Asks Lucius lifting an eyebrow and Severus glares, "I mean, happy to help, but I don't think having Lucius Malfoy in the potion labs of the school will assure us discretion"

"We aren't using the potions labs," Severus levitates a cauldron to the chimney, adjusting the flame under it. Then take a few jars from the shelves and hands them to Lucius, "We are doing it here."

Lucius takes the offered jars. With his wand, he cleans a table and enlarges it so it can be used as a work-table. "Go to shower first, I will air this room in the meantime. It smells like if someone has died in here"


	9. Chapter 9

Severus walks up the stairs to Voldemort's personal study. Lucius, possessive as he is with his manor, almost chokes in his words when he passes the orders to the potion master.

Both friends have worked restless, Lucius only going away in the late afternoon of the day before so he could get enough sleep. He needed it if his intentions were to enter in his master's mind.

Umbridge had been a problem, as always, coming after a few hours to ask about the missing Malfoy. Severus just shrugged saying he had left long before, to her protests he added that if she wasn't worthy of the blonde's time for a goodbye it wasn't his problem. Lucius almost burst into laughter, having to put a hand over his mouth to not to give away his location.

At the moment of his call, he has covered his dark mark with a muscle relaxant cream, in the hopes it would put the Dark Lord in a good mood on his arrival. His plans consists in a lot of 'hopes' and 'luck', and Severus doesn't like that. Previous experiences have taught him he can't trust any of these things.

The door is ajar, but he knocks it anyway. It opens immediately, and he steps inside before someone could reply. Lord Voldemort seems to be waiting, the fingers of his right hand drumming softly on the surface of the desk.

"My lord," Severus bows, noticing all the paintings have disappeared from the walls.

"Severus," Says Voldemort in a calm, welcoming way, "I trust you were successful in your task"

He extracts two potions from his pocket and hands them to Voldemort. He studies the bottles, swirling and sniffing at them, then staring back at Severus.

"The red one will return your original body. It will require several doses to make complete effect, but I have already given the recipe to Lucius so he can keep brewing it," Voldemort waits, a curious look in his face, "Your magic is the same, you just need to stabilize it. The potion also does that"

"Anyone would say you do not expect to come out of this room alive," Voldemort stands from his seat, circling the desk to be in front of Severus, "Tell me Severus, what does this other potion do?"

Severus looks up to his master, eyes locked with his, resisting the urge of running away, "Some of your memories have been banished. This potion will temporarily break your occlumency shields, and will allow me to verify if they still exist"

"You want to use legilimency on me," Says the Dark Lord in a dangerous voice, but otherwise he stays quiet.

Severus waits. He doesn't know how long but it seems like hours. He doesn't look away, trying to determine what is Voldemort thinking. 

After a while, the Dark Lord licks his lip and emits a laugh, "You have nerve Severus, I have to admit that. However, you understand I have to kill you for this, don't you?"

"My Lord, what is the plan after you kill Potter? If you grant me a last wish, I would like to know" Severus asks smoothly, trying to apparent calm.

The Dark frowns, "We are taking over great Britain and then the rest of the world,"

"How?" Lord Voldemort holds up his wand, but lowers it after a second, "Why do you insist in going after him? He is being trained to defeat you, but if you would not have represented a danger for him and his family in the first place, he would be just a regular man with no strength nor the interest in confront you. Why not offer him safety for him and his family in exchange of never attacking you? A sort of truce, sealed by an oath"

"The boy has to die," The Dark Lord rises his wand again, but not without a glance to the potion

The corner of his lip twitch. Voldemort is hesitating, which means the plan is working, "If some of the man to whom I swore loyalty is still in there, you will take that potion, because the Dark Lord I knew was too curious to lose the opportunity of obtaining answers"

The wand is lowered once again and Severus has to repress a sigh of relief when Voldemort drinks the potion.

The spell is casted and Severus is inside of Voldemort head. There is no resistance, he is not being rejected in any way. He goes through the first memories, no signal of change in them. Sounds and images are consistent with reality, and also the feelings are the ones he had already predicted. He can feel them as if they were his own, and does his best to ignore the knot in his stomach when he realizes his master had actually enjoyed his torture.

He is expecting to crash into a wall that hide the missing memories, but it never happens. Instead, the images become blurrier and blurrier and he almost miss when it is only white noise and dust around him. He goes back a little, the last two memories can't be heard, or even properly seen, but he doesn't need to. One is the first time the Dark Lord casted a cruciatus on him, the other is Agatha's funeral.

Agatha was their pet snake, she had accompanied the Dark Lord for almost all his adult life. There were only the two of them in the scene, burying her in the back of the house, and he is not sure if the pain he is feeling is his or Voldemort's. He wants to desperately cut the link, those two time were the worst of his life, and now he understands they had been Voldemort's break point.

After that, dense dust surrounds him. Glimpses of their life together can be seen when the particles are close enough. Not without effort he manages to join enough of them to form an entire scene. It can be completely healed but it will require time and a better legelimens to do so. Eventually he would have to ask Narcissa to do it, but he will make sure it is safe for her first.

Before continuing reconstructing the mind, he goes further to determine the extent of the damage. To his surprise, at some point, unfocussed images began to appear. Soon, scene after scene pass over him. It is a chaos, and he only feels confusion and fear. Some are more clear than other, as wanting to catch his attention. And it works, because Severus can't avoid to watch when a boy, about twelve years old, is dragged to a dark room by a woman. There are no windows, and it smells to urine and mould. He can't see but somehow he knows he is curled in a corner. Two words come to his head, _bloody muggles_

It isn't he who is thinking it, but he can't agree more with the boy.

Next one the same boy, Tom, along with other boy and a girl are climbing a cliff. The other two kids reach the top and motion Tom to hurry up. He is sweating and panting, but he points the entry of a cave for them to go ahead. Soon he follows and shows them his discovery, proud of himself. A devious smile forms in the other's faces, and both grabs Tom's arms and try to push his head in the lake. Tom is furious when he manages to get away, staring with betrayed eyes at those who he believed to be his friends. Suddenly the girl moves, her absent face tells Severus that Tom is using imperius. She goes into the water, holding her head down while the boy begs her to come out. He is apparently immobilized, watching how his friend is drowning as a sharp rock fly threatening over his face. Suddenly, everything stops, and the crying boy runs to the water to help the girl as Tom leaves the cave with a smile on his face.

There is plenty scenes like that, and in each one of them there is a muggle doing something bad, enhancing his hate toward them. The other images from his past have not disappeared and Severus try to find the most recent. He is disappointed when he does. It is just the Dark Lord, in his twenties, buying some things from a store.

Severus returns to where the shattered memories are. For a while, he joins pieces together, some of them impossible to find. He lets them be, they will have time for it later. Now he is more interested in prove the Dark Lord that he is right and some of his memories are, in fact, missing. Before cut their mental link, he puts the previous scenes in a sort of chronological order and lowers the intensity of them, hoping it would help his master to think with more clarity.

"It will require more sessions, if that is your wish, master"

The red eyes turn to a brownish red, and then back to the same. They are in constant change and he doesn't know if it worked or if his ex-lover's sanity is beyond any help.

"You used to call me Tom," He says finally

The words make Severus smile, and it take all his willpower not to start to cry in the spot, "You used not to torture me for it," Something resembling guilt cross Voldemort's face, but no offer of using his former name is made, "If that is all my Lord, I will like to prepare the next dosages"

"Will you come tomorrow?"

Severus shakes his head, "Minds are complex, they require a time between sessions to recover and settle down. At least you call me for something else, my presence here is unnecessary"

Voldemort nods, "That will be all then"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments and kudos are always welcome!


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is another chapter. Thanks everyone for your kudos and comments.

"I take it went well?" Says Lucius as they go outside of the house.

Severus gives a stiff nod, "Although I still do not know where his obsession with killing Potter comes from."

"As long as we are free of cruciatus, I am good with it," Replies Lucius turning to the right. Severus puts a hand over his shoulder to stop him, "I want to show you something, you are going to like it"

Even if he had planed visiting Lily before start brewing again, he has to admit he feels a little curious.

Lucius guides him through the gardens, and Severus stares amazed his surroundings. It has been so many years since the last time he was in that part of the manor. They stop near the pond and Severus sees him. In the floor of an invisible cage, Walden Macnair is curled and shivering, waiting for what he probably believes will be his dead.

"You didn't check on him before you left the other day..."

"I am sorry, but I had other priorities in my mind," 

"...And now you can correct that," Finishes Lucius handing him a wand, "His wand, for the effect"

Severus rolls his eyes but takes it, getting closer to the man.

There is no way to know where the edges of the cage are. A spell would reveal them, but it would also announce his presence and he wants to give him a surprise. So he extends his arm in front of him, casualty, like someone is trying to catch snowflakes. A barrier touches his hand, making a thud that would be amplified by the walls inside. Macnair startles, jumping and staring to Severus with wide eyes.

"A beautiful view, don't you believe?" He asks to the air as he circles the cage, "There is a small island in the centre of the pond, you can't really see it because of the willows, Narcissa insisted," Macnair follows him with the eyes, waiting for him to attack but Severus continues without looking at him, "She spent days on end there, drawing, reading, and who can blame her? This place is perfect," He pats the wall softly and Macnair jumps again, "A great place to die, if you ask me"

This time he turns completely to Macnair, a wide smile that borders on insanity plastered on his face, "Too bad you won't have that pleasure"

Macnair begins to crawl to him, "Please Snape, please forgive me, I didn't mean to hurt you,"

Severus curves an eyebrow and undoes the charm that keep the man locked. A simple cruciatus prevents him from moving forward,.

"When I was young, I had a snake," He says ignoring the lie, "A rattlesnake, Agatha. I really loved Agatha, and every summer I took the responsibility of feeding her-"

"Please," Whimpers Macnair.

"For Merlin's sake Macnair, don't you see I am telling a story here? You are ruining it," Lucius chuckles at his side, that dark chuckle he has not heard since the first war, "Lucius, hold out his tongue,"

The blonde turns up his nose but obeys anyway. A curse cuts the tongue and cauterizes the wound at the instant, there is no need for unwanted messes.

Macnair screams in pain and make himself a ball, trembling and crying.

"As I was saying," continues Severus, "I had to feed her because the wards of the house didn't allow other animals to enter. We keep a cage with mice, and at the moment I grabbed one, it started to struggle to be released, as if it knew about its fate,

"So I released it, and the thing ran for its life. It was always like that, Agatha loved to hunt. It may pass hours, and the mouse might have thought the danger had passed, but Agatha always caught them," He walks to Macnair and drops in one knee to be at his height, "Would you like to be feed to a snake?"

Macnair seems not to have realized Severus was so close because falls back of the impression. He shakes his head frantically, moving his lips but unable of vocalizing intelligible words.

"I thought that," He says without moving, his voice turning into a threatening whisper, "Do not worry, Nagini prefers dead food and, among us, I never liked that thing"

He stands from the floor and grabs Macnair by the collar of his robe, lifting him up to his feet, "I will give you the chance, just like those cute little mice," He pushes him, passing Lucius, "You will go away, but if I find- when I find you- I will use every single spell I can think of to torture you," He tightened his grip pulling him closer, almost speaking to his ear, "And when you are about to die," continues Severus in a silky voice, "I will heal you and start over again," They keep walking, Lucius following them near behind, "And then, I will grow bored of you, but I won't kill you," he stops for a few seconds, "I will give you to the Lestranges, and you know how our dear Bellatrix feels about rapists"

Macnair begins to struggle with renewed energy, and Severus laughs. There is no better way than mention Bellatrix's to instil terror in someone.

Once in the gates, Lucius opens them and Severus pushes him outside. Macnair stumbles but manages to stay on his feet, looking with scared eyes at the two friends. Severus stares back blankly, levitating the other's wand close enough to be within easy reach.

When he speaks, his voice is in a dangerous low tone, "Run"

And the man does. Taking his wand, he moves as fast as he can, tripping more than a few time in the process. After a few minutes, they lose sight of him.

"Are you really letting him go?" Ask Lucius lifting an eyebrow

Severus shrugs, "I am feeling good today. If he is smart enough, he will say farewell to his family and kill himself before I start looking for him."

"He won't, and you know that"

A smirk forms on his face, "Then it will be an entertaining hunting"


	11. Chapter 11

Grimmauld Place is as depressing as ever, or perhaps is his own antipathy for its current resident, namely Sirius Black, what causes his rejection for the place. The true is that if it weren't for the presence of the man, it wouldn't be a bad neighbourhood, a little bored with his row of identical houses, but certainly better than Spinner Ends. Nothing of that matters, Lily was there and if he wants to see her, he'll have to tolerate the dog.

He pushes the doorbell of the number twelve with a sense of dread, waiting to hear Mistress Black's portrait screaming at the moment the door opens. She doesn't disappoint him, before he can see who is behind the door, her loud voice reaches his ears.

"Severus, we weren't expecting you," Says a rather disconcerted Remus Lupin, "come in, everyone is in the drawing room" 

The werewolf moves aside and both walk up the stairs to the drawing room. Once in there, the rest of the order stares at him confused, and he does the same, sending a questioning look to Dumbledore.

"Severus, my boy, we were expecting for you"

"Were we?" Asks James from Lily's side. She elbows him in the ribs when Dumbledore turns to them.

"We didn't think you will be back so early, but we appreciate you are here," Severus nods cautious, not believing a word the old man said, "Please, sit down and join us"

An old lamp is transfigured into a comfy armchair and positioned between the sofa where James and Lily are, and the chair occupied by Black. He tries to find a way to avoid sitting there but he can't think in an excuse that doesn't sound disrespectful to the headmaster.

"It is fine, dear, you are allowed to sit," Says Molly in a nauseating, sweet voice and Severus realizes his secret has been revealed.

"And why would I not?" He sneers at her.

Nobody answers, suddenly their hands and the floor turning in the most interesting things in the room. He walks to his place and sits, Lily turns and whispers an 'it wasn't us', to then look toward Dumbledore again.

"Maybe Severus wants to start telling us how his meeting with Voldemort went?"

Severus does, keeping his story as close to the reality as possible. He tells them about the high amount of legilimency used, omitting the fact it was him who used it and not Voldemort. He hopes it will discourage Dumbledore from reading his mind, since they are too fragile and overexertion could destroy one for good. He also mentions Macnair, this time telling the whole true. It isn't hard to explain why he acted like he did, not if he had to keep appearances in front of Lucius Malfoy, and Macnair end up alive after all.

The rest of the meeting is more or less the same, everything revolving around the information he has given. His suspicions grow, if he wasn't invited to the meeting they should have had something besides that to discuss, but when Dumbledore finishes and except for a few complaints against the ministry, there is nothing else. 

He waits for the others to leave before address Lilly, who looks like doing the same. Before they could escape to another room, Black interpose himself between them.

"A slave," He scoffs as if he is before a cockroach which tries to pass as a dog, "kneel" The last he says it in a commanding voice.

Severus knows where that stupid belief comes from, he has read that book too. It was one of the few he could put his hands on when he was younger, his status of slave recently revealed. Lucius, Tom and Narcissa had everything hidden, supposedly to protect him, but that one was almost harmless. There weren't disturbing images or graphic description of torture; therefore they let him keep it.

According to it, a slave would obey to any order given by a pureblood witch or wizard, at least it goes against what his or her master has ordered before. There was also series of rules they obeyed by instinct and a series of characteristic they were supposed to have, lack of intelligence among them. Almost everything was a lie, but for the years it was written, when slavery was still legal, those rules were followed or the slaves would be subjected to the most horrid punishments; and after that, anyone would obey to even a domestic elf.

"Get out of my way, Black,"

"I said kneel"

"You are the only deaf here, Black. Get out of my way,"

The animagus stares at him offended, but then his mouth turns up in a sneer, "I guess your master has ordered you not to obey. What else does he order you to do, Snape? What does Malfoy order you to do?"

Severus clenches his fist and circles him. He could have pushed him away but it wouldn't do it start a fight if he wants to visit Lily again.

"Any private place we can talk?"

She grabs his hand and leads him to a small bedroom. There are two beds with light blue bedding, a big wardrobe and a bookshelf in the corner of the room. Everything seems clean, so he supposes they are already preparing the house for the Christmas holidays.

"It was Dumbledore, wasn't he?" He says trying that his voice doesn't show how betrayed he feels.

Lily nods and sits on one bed, motioning Severus to do the same. Understanding his distress, she smiles comprehensive but doesn't offers any comforting word that contradict his thoughts.

"Is it true? Has he ordered you... you know...?" She asks awkward and Severus laughs.

She scowls but Severus shakes his head, "Are you serious?" She nods again, "Of course he did. He also order me to keep being friend with a muggleborn, Lucius did it too by the way, and the multiple times I have saved your son's life or when I don't simply grab him and-"

"Ok, I get it, all rubbish. There is no need to be sarcastic," She interrupts him, a little miffed. "It is just, Sirius give us this book, and the way the others are treating you."

"I know, but it wasn't like that before. There is a lot of misconceptions in what to slaves refers," He explains, not laughing anymore. It disturbs him the way he is being treated, and he is afraid it will continue being like that, "don't believe everything the books tell you and ask me directly and not to Black, the Weasley or any other pureblood that 'kindly' offers their help."

"So, do you want to know what we talk in those meetings that you are not invited?" He curves an eyebrow, "I thought you had figured by now that we weren't really expecting you"

"I did, but I wasn't aware there were others before,"

"Three so far, to decide what happens with you," She says deathly serious, "Dumbledore trust you and the Weasley support him, also Remus. Kingsley and Tonks saw you when you arrived, they are worried, and you don't want to know what Sirius and Moody think."

"They want me in a leash in Azkaban," She shifts uncomfortable but doesn't contradict him

"I am worried too, Severus," She sounds worry, but there is nothing he can do to appease her fears, "Don't go back with him, do not do that again, Albus will protect you."

Both stare each other in silence. He can't tell her what his future will be if he stops being useful, and that he doesn't trust Dumbledore anymore. It doesn't matter if the headmaster isn't in the house, those walls have ears. 

"Did they see your memories?" He wants to know how many know by now, and if there is any death eater he likes in danger.

"Only Dumbledore, he wants to keep everything quiet since we didn't see any face. Also because of your thing"

"Thing? What thing?" He teases when he notices her discomfort, a malicious smile forming in his face. She throws a pillow at him, laughing as she does.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was written in my phone, if you see any mistake, please let me know

“And you wouldn’t believe how big he is. He and James were comparing heights and they are almost the same. He is already taller than me...”

Lily has been talking about her son for the last half hour; he doesn’t have the heart to stop her or at least remind he that he has been teaching the boy for more than four years, therefore yes, he believes her.

The youngest Potter visited his parents a few days prior to their release from St. Mungo. They didn’t want the boy to learn about them by the press and they called him just in time. Next morning a picture of the three Potter was published in the first page of the prophet.

“He is as wonderful as you said he was, Sev,” Says Lily in the end, “Although he was a little surprised you talk so well about him, don’t you two get along?”

Her dreamy smile changes to a mischievous smirk, telling him that she already knows the answer to that.

“Our relationship is... complicated... he is a little distracted in my class”

She chuckles, leaning back on the bed, staring at the ceiling, “All of this is so surreal. Seeing Harry, knowing he is fine,” A shadow of sadness pass over her eyes, “but he is not entirely fine. Call it mother instinct, but I can tell something happened to him. He was with Petunia, wasn’t he?”

“As far as I know,” Minerva had told him something about Potter’s childhood, from when she visited him. She said he was well cared for, a happy and normal child in her words.

“I talked with her a week before it happened. She said she’d take care of him”

“So, the spell _is_ of your making,” she nods proud of herself, “but it doesn’t make any sense. If it weren’t you who cast it, why send him with your sister,” Lily glares at him, and he is sure the classical ‘because she is my sister’ is coming, “It would be unsafe for him, he needs to live near the caster’s blood relative”

Lily convokes a piece of parchment and a quill, and he realizes for the first time she has her wand back.

“Ollivander’s present,” Says she noticing his eyes, “being famous has its advantages”

Multiple figures with strings joining them begin to fill the parchment. Words in Latin appear in Lily’s delicate calligraphy and arrows mark a specific direction. It doesn’t take long for Severus to realize she is drawing the spell, and he waits patiently for her to finish as he tries to understand it. 

He recognizes the symbols, and he is almost sure he had seen part of the drawing in a book, even if he can’t tell which one. The spell seems complex, and the one performing it must have been a powerful witch or wizard.

Lily shows him the parchment and lighten the lower part with her wand, “See this part? The range of action of the spell is enough for them to live in the same neighbourhood,” she explains, “and to not raise suspicions”

“Potter’s family?”

“The only condition for the protection to work is the protector to be related by blood both the child and the caster, and all purebloods are related”

An uneasy feeling settles over him. What Lily is saying is that her sister was the distraction. If they attacked they would go after Petunia and not the blood related person, and the child will still be safe. 

“Don’t look at me like that, it was supposed to be me who died in there, so Petunia would have been the actual guardian,” she says, on the defensive, “In any case, I went to see her about a week before everything happened and she told me she was going to take care of him. Her son was a little blond ball, she was amazing with him.”

A little blond ball. Potter was far away from a ball when he first saw him. He was skinny, at the point he has to ask Poppy to make a full check in his health. She gave the report to Minerva and the headmaster, but refused to say anything to him.

Severus doesn’t mention it. Lily has already too many things to worry about right now. 

“Are you asking for his custody?”

She sighs deeply, “We aren’t sure, I don’t want to separate him from Tuney and it is only a year. Maybe go and live near, so we can see him everyday without changing his routine.”

\------------------------------------------

He extends to the maximum his visit to Lily, but eventually he has to return to the school. Luckily he doesn’t see Black, Potter or anyone else in his way out. Bad enough is having to talk to Albus when he arrives at the school.

Throwing a handful of floo powder, he steps into the flames and in matter of seconds he is back at Hogwarts, Dumbledore already waiting for him on the other side.

“Severus,” greets the old man from the chair behind his desk. He wouldn’t descript his welcome as warm, but there isn’t obvious hostility in it, “I hope you visit to Lily went well”

“Yes headmaster, she seems to be doing well,” clearly, Dumbledore doesn’t want to talk about Lily’s health, and neither does he. Being for guilt, deception or self-preservation, he wants to spend the less time possible with the headmaster, “Something I can help you with, sir?”

“I was asking myself the same,”

He knew where the conversation goes. As he had thought, the walls had ears in Grimmauld place and even if it happens before than expected, he is prepared.

“I can’t see how,”

“Is there anything you want to ask me?”

“Nothing Lily has not told me already,” The headmaster leans forward, adjusting his half-moon glasses, “and I assumed, if after three meetings you has not bothered in talking to me directly, it was because you had no intention to talk with me about it, at all”

“We are just concerned about you, Severus,” Says Dumbledore soothingly, “You must admit that you are in a dangerous position”

“While I appreciate your concern headmaster,” Not without effort, he manages to keep the sarcasm away from his reply, “I am an adult and can take my own decisions,” the blue eyes pierce on him, a clear sign it wasn’t enough for Dumbledore, “I put Lily in danger fifteen years ago and I will do anything to repair my mistake”

The man smiles kindly, his eyes twinkling as they used to do.

“Accompany me with a cup of tea,” he is not asking, and he have no other option than sitting across the desk, “I am proud of having such a brave wizard in the order”

Unwillingly, the corner of his lips twitch upward. Despite the man’s lies, his body still reacts at his praises and he keeps craving for his approbation.

Before he can give it more thought, a cup with steaming tea appears in front of him. A waft of a known smell reaches his nose.

“Lavender?” he asks.

Dumbledore smiles broadly, “your sense of smell never disappoints my boy”

Severus blows the liquid and takes a sip. Dumbledore is right, his sense of the smell has never failed him, but neither his taste and subtly as it was, he recognizes the veritaserum in there.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry for how much you had to wait for this chapter, life is being crazy right now. I'll try to publish one every two week but can't make any promise.  
> I don't have access to a computer and I will not have in a while so everything is written and published from my phone, if any mistake let me know in the comments.  
> I love comments and kudos (comments a little more), Thank you so much to those who have bothered.

Leaving his cup on the table, he makes visual contact with Dumbledore again. The older man keeps smiling, as daring him to complain, but Severus stares back defiant and takes another sip. Otherwise he will be admitting guilt.

“I have to say, headmaster, I would have never thought such honourable man as yourself, would resort to something as low as a trick to probe my loyalties,” says Severus, casually drinking again, “I feel offended”

His heart is pounding in his ears but he refuses to let the headmaster see his fear. As long as he keeps control of himself and doesn’t lie the potion won’t have any effect. And he is not lying, it’s really offensive to be considered stupid enough to not recognize veritaserum.

“It is not a trick if I know you will notice. You are a potion master, are you not?” The smile has banished from Dumbledore’s face, yet the tone remains cordial, “My boy, the people in the order are worried and my word does not carry the same weight as it did years ago”

It may have been his imagination but he hears the door locking behind him. Not like he is thinking in running away, Dumbledore can and would kill him before he can stand from his seat if he does.

Looking through the corner of his eye, he realizes they are not alone, under Potter’s invisibility cloak, said marauder and his best friend reveal.

“Tell me, snivellus, are you willing to answer some questions?” asks Black with a half-smile, his eyes shining as if he were a hungry dog which has found a defenceless kitten.

The big difference he isn’t a scared kitten, not anymore. Despite not having his wand in his hand, he could reach for it in five seconds, slice their stomachs in ten and their throats in fifteen; while the two of them were locked he has been training, and now he has fourteen more years of experience than them.

They walk toward them, standing at the headmaster’s side. Potter a little behind, giving the impression he doesn’t want to be there, his hand in his right pocket where he supposes his wand is.

“It does not look as if I have too much of an option,” says he leaning back in his chair, not looking at Black but at the headmaster.

“There is always an option, Severus,” replies the older adjusting his half-moon glasses, “would you like to take it?”

He wonders what option is this, if the headmaster is really willing to let him go without consequences. It is a risk he is not going to take.

“Yes, I would like it but I will not do it,” he says not moving from his relaxed position, as if he has nothing to hide. His mouth may not been able to tell lies but his body could, and he will be damned if he shows weakness in front of his enemies, “I want you to trust me once and for all”

Dumbledore nods, conform, “Your full name, please”

“Severus Tobias Snape,” answer he immediately, “and you must be out of your mind if you believe the Dark Lord would send someone impersonating me”

A twinkle of amusement passes over Dumbledore’s eyes, “you can blame a man for being too cautious these days,” Severus agrees, he has been the one betraying him after all, “have you ever lie to me, Severus?”

“Yes,” he blurts before he can stop himself, his mind rushing in find a way out, “I lie about having a plan after freeing the Potters,” James lowers his gaze and moves a few inches from his friend, like just remembering that Severus has risked his life to save his and his wife’s and he has no right to distrust him, “I was avoiding to be sent to Azkaban”

“And what made you think you would be sent to Azkaban?” asks Dumbledore softly, suddenly changing to the fatherly tone in which he used to talk to Severus after the first years post-war, “it was because of jealousy or because you don’t trust in me anymore?”

His cheeks dye in red and he closes his lips tightly. The answer is both, but only one is safe to confess; to his dismay it’s the most humiliating one.

“I am jealous of the way you treat Potter and Black and hurt for the way you treat me in front of them” A mocking smile appears in Black’s face and Severus stares fixedly the table, too embarrassed for an acidic reply. This time Black has won.

Dumbledore takes Severus’ cup and drink, “my boy, I love you like a son. Nothing and nobody will change that”

He wants to believe those words, he is desperate for doing so, but the antidote for veritaserum can be taken previous to the interrogatory. He doesn’t speak though, hoping his silence will be considered as acceptation.

“Severus, I just don’t understand how, if your hate towards James and Sirius is so big, you are still with us in the order”

“Voldemort has to die,” he replies without hesitation. Voldemort needs to die in order for Tom to be reborn.

“Just a last question, my boy. Has Voldemort ever order you to lie or disobey us?”

The word ‘us’ does not go unnoticed for Severus, “That is just a myth, headmaster”

The lips of Dumbledore curve into a smile, but before he can give the interrogatory for finished Black interrupts him.

“And how it is being bugged by Voldemort, snivellus?”

He couldn’t feel more humiliated, but he knows he can’t count in Dumbledore to save him. Still, if he reveals the true about his relation with Voldemort, or the lack of it for the case, they will realize he distinguishes between his lover and the thing he has became.

Pain run trough his body as he opens and closes his mouth struggling to lie. He puts himself together, it is not the moment to show doubts.

“It hurts. It hurts every time” It does hurt, every time he tries to lie another wave of pain comes.

Black is going say something else but this time Dumbledore interferes. In a cold voice that matches with his eyes, he speaks to the marauders.

“I think it is time for the two of you to return to the order’s quarters,” he looks to Severus again, his expression softening as he offers him the antidote, “you are certainly the bravest man in this room; the hat must have made a mistake when he put you in Slytherin”

Severus doesn’t process the last words, he is still trying to make sense to what just happened. For the first time ever, he feels the headmaster has preferred him over Potter and Black.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little more of Tom/Severus in next chapter


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to everyone for your comments and kudos. Here another chapter.  
>  _"memories in italic"_

He stays in Dumbledore’s office for a long time, the old man assuring him he has had no other option but to accede to interrogating him. His apologies sound sincere, filling him with praises for his bravery and commitment with the cause, and by the time he is leaving, he is questioning his choices again.

Almost fourteen years of friendship thrown away trying to save a man who maybe can’t and doesn’t want to be saved.

He represses a sigh, knowing it isn’t a maybe. Voldemort doesn’t want to be saved, that is definitive. However in his current state he can’t see what is best for him.

‘Neither your father could’ reminds him a voice in his head.

His mother had abandoned everything and even sacrificed her only son in an attempt of fixing him, and now Severus is doing the same.

Except it’s not the same.

If someone resembles his father, that is Dumbledore. Where Tobias used his belt, the headmaster uses his words, and he can’t count how many times he has been humiliated or guilt tripped by them. For an ounce of approbation he has agree to do things he hates, and the sensation of being used is a constant in their relationship.

The last thought reassures him; this is not only for helping Tom but for doing what is right. Dumbledore is an expert manipulating and he can’t keep falling for his lies.

Still, fourteen years of friendship, or what he believed was a friendship, are hard to left behind.

He stops suddenly, three wands surrounding him.

Recognizing his three male prefects he lets go his wand. They look disconcerted at him, and he realizes he is in front of the Slytherin common room.

“We heard noises,” explains Draco, lowering his wand along with the other two boys; however, he catches how his seventh year subtly cast an identity spell on him.

Gesturing the boys to get back inside he follows them. That place is the first place in which he felt safe, and after the day he had, he wants something familiar in where to look for comfort.

The children’s gazes are on him, as if they are expecting to be yelled at, which is curious considering he has never yelled at them. But he is mentally exhausted to find out, so he walks in silence and sits in what he knows is Draco’s armchair now, staring absent the flames of the fireplace.

Draco doesn’t complain, instead he places himself on the floor, resting his back on the side of the chair. Some students look shocked, Draco Malfoy showing submission isn’t an everyday sight, but the boy just ignores them and grabs a book.

“We’ll be better,” says Pansy softly, sitting near them, “we won’t cause more troubles”

He nods, his hand going to scratch Draco’s head, as Lucius had done back in their times as students, when it was Severus the one on the floor.

Lucius didn’t care that his hair was greasy, and Draco doesn’t seem to mind his silky hair is being touched by his stained fingers. Maybe it is a Malfoy thing, the ability of giving him comfort when he doesn’t know how to ask for it.

After that, any remains of anger for their recent misdeeds go away. 

 

The kids keep their promise, he has not heard complains about them so far. The teachers and the other houses look askance at them, and there are multiples rumours about what evilness are they machinating, yet he knows he can trust them for a while.

Also Dumbledore has been fairly pleasant since their last meeting, allowing him some freedom he has not had before, as skipping all his meals in the great hall. He goes to see him at least once a day, bringing food with him as excuse, but he can deal with that.

Thus he waits until it is time for delivering the next dose in an illusory sense of peace. It will be over soon, Dumbledore act would only last the strictly necessary, and the patience of his Slytherins with the other house won’t be eternal neither. 

In any case, he is grateful it has given time for his mind to recover, and when the time comes, he is ready for whatever he is going to find or at least that is what he believes.

His middle optimism last until Lucius greets him. It may be the way his lips press together or how his fingers tighten around his walking stick, but Lucius is ready to attack.

In a quick movement he pulls his wand from his pocket, leaving it at sight without pointing.

“You do well in be prepared,” says Lucius nonchalant, “but you are mistaken about who is the threat”

“Is he in his study?” he asks bluntly; he has no time for Lucius riddles.

“How is Draco?”

“Draco is fine, as he must have told you in his weekly letters. Now if you would be so _kind_ of answer my question”

“He does, that is why I am asking”

At these word his stomach shrinks. He has been ignoring all the signals and has neglected his house. His students had no way to know there was someone outside the common room at least they had surveillance spells around.

The fights, the sudden distrust of everyone around. Slytherin has never characterized by being a trusting house, but not at that level. For some reason they are scared, and he will have to find why when he return.

“I will keep an eye on him when I go back”

It seems like Lucius wants to say something, but he thinks better of it. Instead, he address to his first question.

“He has been in his bedroom since you came the last time. Nobody has seen him”

He understands his friend’s apprehensions. They’d know if the Dark Lord were dead, which means he is not well, and an ill Voldemort would void all his fury in the first one crossing the door.

Lucius grabs his arm before he can turn around, “I’ll be here”

It sounds more like a goodbye, but he ignores it and goes away.

Upstairs is his master’s bedroom, and he knocks hoping against hope for a response. Turning the doorknob he silently curses; it is locked. He casts an _alohomora_ on it and the door opens.

Too easy for his like.

It looks like a hurricane passed through; broken mirrors, ripped curtains and destroyed furniture are evidence of his master’s mental state.

Severus clears a passage towards the bed, from where two red eyes stare furious at him. Life has taught him when a beating is coming and he is walking straight to it.

“Master?” he calls, his voice almost a whisper, “I bring you your next dose”

“I don’t want any of your potions, Snape,” spats the Lord, his wand pointing at him.

He closes his eyes and keeps walking. It won’t end up well for him but there is not going back.

“Get out, Severus”

This time it isn’t an order but a beg. Opening his eyes he sees how the red orbs have changed and turned into the dark brown they used to be.

“I am not leaving, you will need to kill me for that”

The eyes debate between red and brown, to finally settle in a colour in between. Voldemort lowers his wand and nods, and he closes the few steps that separates them.

He offers the potion, knowing that if the Lords decides to break it, there will be nothing he can do. He doesn’t, though; in a quick motion he drinks the content, as doubting of his own determination.

“Let me in,” he says locking his eyes with his, “just relax”

There is not resistance this time, and he immediately understand why the Lord didn’t want the potion; as soon as he is inside, guilt surrounds him. It is overwhelming, and he tries to identify the source of it, finding the same scene repeating over and over again.

A new feeling seizes him; he can still feel the guilt but also anger is building inside. They are fighting, and realizes it is the Tom in the memory who is furious.

_They are in one of the Lestrange’s states and Severus is in front of him yelling, ranting about him being changing. Under all his anger, a strange voice tells him that something is off there, but he can’t point what it is._

_That man is just a servant who believes to have the right to come to his home and demand things. He is looking for punishment and it is his duty to show him his place. Everything is clear, except that it isn’t._

_Severus keeps ranting, but Voldemort isn’t listening. The terms ‘Severus’ and ‘another servant’ competing in his head. Sometimes the name comes accompanied by fondness, others it means nothing._

_“Silence,” orders the Lord finally interrupting the younger, “and give me a good reason for not to kill you”_

_“A good reason? You want a bloody reason? What about the fact I am the only one who doesn’t give up on you?” Spats Severus, broken voice and tears he refuses to let fall in the corners of his eyes, “What about you living of the charity of your followers instead of your own home? What about-“_

_“Crucio” The curse slips between his lips as a wave of ire sweeps over him._

_Severus screams, impossible to know if it is because it took him by surprise or because of the pain; probably both._

_It last just a few second, enough to feel something pinching his chest and the urge of attack himself and protect his lover in return. This is Severus, his Severus, and he has hurt him._

_"Severus-"_

_Severus is on his feet, panting heavily and tears running down his cheeks._

_"It took you long," Voldemort is going to say something, but again his mind clouds, the only keeping him in reality is the slight ache in his chest, "But I am not turning into my mother"_

_With that Severus turns around and slams the door behind._


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  _'Memories'_  
>  'Thoughts'

The scene begins again, and the more it repeats , the more unstable and fragile Voldemort’s mind becomes. He knows that he needs to find another quick, one strong enough to distract his master from his newly found feelings.

He swims through the maze that is his mind, impressed in how the memories are rebuilding by themselves; at this rate he won’t need to enter next time.

The task turns to be harder than he thought. He tries with their first time together, Christmas, Tom’s birthdays, but they are all too weak.

Severus tries another approach and search for moments of anger. 

Their fights seems so meaningless now, like the time Tom kissed him in public, _’because it is humiliating Tom’_ , or one of the multiple times he burned the labs experimenting with a new potion, _’one of these days you will blow yourself up, Severus’_ ; he doesn’t regrets any of those moments, they are part of their life together and give him the strength to keep fighting.

All of a sudden, he finds it. It is like an itch that expands until it is impossible to ignore it.

It is not a happy memory, it is bittersweet, and in the beginning Severus doesn’t understand.

Both are in bed and he is awakening from yet another nightmare. It wasn’t unusual at the time, and he stays to see what it is so special about it.

_'In right side is Tom, a book in one hand and the other petting his sleeping lover._

_Severus starts to struggle against an invisible force, sobbing and begging for him to stop._

_As if it were something that happens every day, and it was something that happened every day, Tom turns to him, shakes him gently by the shoulder and, with a hand in his back, half-forces him to sit; despite of what his instincts tell him, he knows better than kiss him and whisper loving words to his ear._

_Still sniffling, Severus looks around, meeting his gaze with his lover’s._

_“I am sorry,” he says sheepishly, his voice sounding nasally._

_“You don’t need to apology, love”_

_Severus looks away, “Did I wake you up?”_

_“No,” says Tom pointing the book on his lap, “is it fine if I touch you?”_

_Severus hesitates for a second, then moves slowly to rest the side of his head over Tom’s chest, who immediately surrounds him with his arm._

_“Why do you put up with me,” asks Severus softly after a while, “I am a mess”_

_“Because I love you,” He replies kissing his hairs, “and because you put up with me too”_

_“I love you too”'_

It takes Severus a moment to realize this was the first time he said ‘I love you’ to his partner. Tom said it with frequency, but Severus had heard it so many times from the mouths of the people who raped him, that he had promised to himself to never do it at least he truly feel it.

The memory captures Voldemort’s attention and he can begin to work.

Somewhere around there must be a compulsion spell; it’s the only that would explain why his master is so inclined to kill a child rather than a real threat for his cause.

In his searching, he fixes as much as he can. The mix of sadness and happiness that the scene brings with it makes it easier. It's keeps him focus.

And suddenly all makes sense, Potter must die by his hand.

Severus starts. Those are not his thoughts, and even the Dark Lord in some part inside of him, recognizes he is just a child.

It requires a high amount of will to keep himself out of the trap. As he had thought, it is a compulsion spell; one casted long time ago, between the moment he repeated the prophesy and when he begged for Lily’s life.

He couldn’t say who had casted it, but he already has a suspect. The biggest questions are how, and how to undo it.

Coming out of his master’s mind he makes a full health check.

The body is changing as he predicted. The nose is bigger, but still has slits; the head is bold and he doesn’t believe the potion can do anything about that, maybe with another one once the recovery is done; the eyes are the same, just changing their colour as he saw before; and the face is still skeletal.

For now, the only it worries him is the nose. Its slits must make it hard for Voldemort to breath, as the spell shows it.

“We will have to go slower, rushing it will make you body change before it is prepared; it will lead you to a certain death,” he explains but Voldemort isn’t listening. His look is lost in space, and a sad smile adorns his face.

‘That isn’t Voldemort,’ Severus corrects himself, ‘that is Tom, and he still enjoying the memory of them together.

He puts a hand over his shoulder, “Tom,”

Tom respond to his name; blinking a few times he stares to Severus again.

“I was saying it will be necessary to slow down the process,”

“Whatever you believe it is necessary, you are the expert here,” Severus nods a little surprised. He wasn’t expecting that trust, “Now we must talk about our plans. I will call for a meeting later,”

Severus stiffens. He isn’t ready to face the others death eaters, all of them had seen him crying like a baby, and some of them even half-naked.

“You are not forced to participate and I rather you don’t,” the Dark lord doesn’t let him to thanks before continuing speaking, “You will inform Dumbledore there will be a break in Azkaban in a few days,”

“There will be?” he asks. If he is going to lie to Dumbledore, he needs to know.

“Yes, but it will be a farce, the real breaking will be later,”

“You are going to expose yourself to the public,” says Severus worried, “I don’t know if it is advisable”

“You want Umbridge out of Hogwarts, I can tell as much,” he wonders how the Dark Lord knows that information, “and we need to stop working in the shadows, show the people that our cause makes sense”

He nods. The Dark Lord has a point there, they need to stop hiding.

But he doesn’t ask when the real break will be, it is too much risk to know if something goes wrong with Dumbledore.

“That would be all, my Lord?”

“I thought I was Tom again,” Severus dedicates him a small smile but doesn’t replies, “that is all, I expect you back in Christmas.”

With a bow, Severus leaves the room and the manor to apparate outside the school.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments and kudos are always appreciates


	16. Chapter 16

Dumbledore isn’t the only one waiting for him at his return. The other three head house plus Slughorn and Umbridge are in his office too and he can’t say he is entirely surprised. The Slytherins have behaved for too long.

To his children favour, the accusations against them were always false or at least the evidence was always circumstantial. It had never be hard to defend them against the other teachers in the past, and he hopes this time won’t be the exception.

Without as much as a hello, he straightens his back and crosses his arms over his chest, “Well?”

The three women stare sternly at him, as if he were a student in troubles and not their equal. Being the younger in the staff is not hard to understand, but not for that acceptable, thus he lifts an eyebrow.

McGonagall’s lips tightens, she is certainly not pleased with his attitude. He has came to appreciate her in their year working together, but he couldn’t care less at this moment.

What does worries him is Sprout. The Herbology’s teacher have usually taken his side in the past. The student must have done something really horrible to anger someone like her.

“It is about your students, Severus,” says McGonagall.

“As far as I know all the students belong to Hogwarts,” he replies silkily, “or am I running a school and not realized yet?”

“Now, now, there is no need to be hostiles,” interferes Dumbledore from Slughorn’s side, who seems extremely distressed with the situation, “As you said, all the student belong to this school, Minerva didn’t pretend to insinuate the opposite.”

“What happens, Severus, is we have found some disturbing reading material in the common room of Slytherin,” says Sprout finally, “Dark arts and antimuggle material”

They share a look with Flitwick, who smiles sympathetic at him; if someone knows about students reading disturbing material, that’s him.

He is tempted to ask if they found the material together, but he doubts it would help his case. His snakes are too smart to keep those kind of books in the same place in case of something like this happens.

“Antimuggle campaign, it is the dark times all over again,” cries Slughorn, his hands shaking and looking as if he is going to faint at any moment, “all under my nose”

Dumbledore convokes a chair and help the old potion master to sit, rubbing small circles over his back, “nobody blames you, Horace”

Severus is not going to voice his opinion. When Slughorn refers to the dark times, he is speaking about the years between Tom entering Hogwarts to the end of the first war, when most of the Slytherins joined to his cause. It is practically all his career therefore yes, he is the responsible. 

Not like he is complaining. Slughorn’s negligence had been the best of the recruitment campaigns.

“Can you prove they are guilty?”

“It is the Slytherin common room, Severus” says Sprout with a scowl, “the only other with access there is you, and I hope it is not you who is behind this atrocity”

“I am aware of that, Sprout,” he doesn’t dignify the accusation with an answer, “however, you can’t hold all of them responsible for the mistakes of a few”

“Mistakes, Severus? This is terrorist campaign!”

“Hem, hem,” interrupts Umbridge, “What we are asking- informing you- is that we are going to press the guilty to come out”

“And how do you suppose to do that? Punishing them all and appeal to their conscience?” There is silence in the room, showing it is exactly what they are going to do, “Headmaster, please be reasonable...”

“I am being reasonable, Severus,” replies Dumbledore in a harsh tone, “and I trust it will not last long because I am certain most of the Slytherin don’t support such ideals”

He clenches his jaw, whatever he says it will fall in deaf ears. “Yes, headmaster”

“The reason why we were waiting for you is because we have to stablish a punishment that fits the crime,” spoke Flitwick for the first time.

“And you also need someone who delivers the message to the kids,” 

Flitwick stares apologetic to him, “We were thinking in forbid the entering of the house elves to the house of Slytherin and make the students do the work by themselves”

It is a split of a seconds, but he sees Dumbledore tense. He has found who the guilty is.

“If the headmaster approves, I think it will make them appreciate muggles a little more,” Sprout smiles at him, her face showing that her anger has banished at his words.

Dumbledore doesn’t have an excuse now. It totally fits the crime, and the others head of house agree.

“We must know if the ministry approves,” he says staring to Umbridge.

“Of course, it will teach them what happens to disobedient children,” her face turn in something that resembles a smile, “they will end doing slave work if they do not behave”

“I would not call it like that, dear,” says Dumbledore in the same harsh tone he has talked to Severus before, “all jobs are important, and elf magic is one of the most powerful kind of magic” Nobody comments in how he doesn’t include muggles, probably more interested in his answer, “but yes, it would fit the crime”

“Many of them bring a house elf from home...” Severus starts.

“There is no problem in wait a few minutes so they can say goodbye to them before putting the wards. Is it, Albus?” says Flitwick and Severus feels grateful of having him partially on his side.

“Of course not, Filius. Severus, go ahead and inform them, with a little of luck none of this will be necessary”

It would be even if the accusation were real. Slytherins protect each other. Not for the kind of their heart, of course, but in all the history he has never meet a Slytherin who has nothing to hide.

He walks quickly, discounting points to every student in his way. Inside the house everyone is expecting to know what happened

“It wasn’t us” complains Draco as soon as he crosses the door.

“I am afraid it is irrelevant,” more than one is going to protest but with a look he keep them quiet, “there will be no more domestic elves in here. From now on, you will have to do the chores yourself, and I am expecting from you to keep this place habitable,” there are a few huffs of resignation, knowing that the decision is already made, “you have five minute to say goodbye to your domestic elves before the headmaster comes and put the wards”

They understand immediately. Five minutes to get rid of anything illegal, to ask their elves or the one of a classmate to put it in another place. Purebloods know about elf magic, many of them had been raised by an elf or two.

When Dumbledore, Umbridge and Flitwick enter, all the students are in the common room again. The teachers decide to do a ‘surprise’ inspection, just finding some harmless things, like stacks of porn in the seventh years dorm, or things of that sort.

Nobody is blamed, but the magazines and other objects are burned. It is a calculate lost, it would be suspicious if they find nothing.

The wards are put and Severus checks there are no leaks. There won’t be more spies and his children will be safer.

“We did not do it,” complains again Draco after Dumbledore leaves.

Severus nods and turns around, the voice of a fourth year interrupting him midway.

“Professor? Can we use magic for the chores?”

“I don’t know, can you?”

He doesn’t need to say another word, his students catch the hint and if not, his smirk leave it clear.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I appreciate the kudos and even more the comments.


	17. Chapter 17

The rumours about the books in the common room spread quickly at Hogwarts. Soon enough, Slytherin is vilify, and the other houses begin to take advantage of it.

Being just a quarter of the school, and without Umbridge’s protection anymore, they become an easy target. Once the victimizer, now the tables have been turned, and the others are getting their revenge.

Little Severus could do except to listen their complains. Taking points at any chance, and give detentions left and right doesn’t work with Gryffindors anymore.

Yet, his students make the best of it after a while. Forbidden objects are easily hidden without domestic elves. If they are used in a ‘prank’ and someone get harmed, nobody saw anything, nobody heard anything, and if Severus is questioned, it must have been one of those Weasley twins.

And the twins happily take the blame when it comes to Umbridge and Slughorn. It is the way they have to show their dissatisfy with the old potion master. Whilst Severus let them experiment in his class and teaches them the interaction between ingredients, Slughorn makes them copy recipes from a book; needless to say no seventh year bothers in going to class anymore.

Their participation in the war against Umbridge vindicate the Slytherin house, or at least a truce is formed. He wants to laugh in Dumbledore’s face after that, the old man’s plan worked against him.

So, after a week of going to the common room every two hours and making sure they can handle it without him for a while, he decides it’s time for another visit to Lily.

Black opens the door, and to his shock, he just scowls, grunt and retires to the other room. Likely to drink, but that isn’t Severus’ problem.

He heads upstairs, assuming she is there and not with Black in the study, his suspicions being confirmed when he finds her in the first bedroom.

She is making a bed, or better said, she is remaking it. The bed looks just fine, but she doesn’t stop smoothing the covers until the last wrinkle disappears and both sides are perfectly even.

“You know there are spell for that, aren’t you?”

She jumps and falls over the bedding, ruining all her work, “Jesus, Severus! You are going give me a heart attack”

“My apologies,” he replies, a slight smile forming in his lips and hers, “you seem busy”

“I just want everything perfect for when the kids arrive, I am just nervous I guess,” she confesses drawing her knees to her chest.

He sits at the end of the bed, “Have you talked with him?”

She shakes her head and looks aside, “not even a letter, Albus thinks is for the best”

Severus keeps his opinion about Albus to himself, any word he says could be used to harm her or him, and dead bodyguards are useless.

Before he can comfort her, an agitated James Potter appears on the door, “Albus wants all of us downstairs, now”

They don’t stop to ask, the three of them rushing to the dinner room. In there, all the order are reunited, attention fixed in the old man sat at the head of the table.

He makes a recount. Neither Arthur nor Moody are there.

Molly Weasley cries inconsolably, Tonks rubbing her back at her side. Black and Lupin are speaking in hushed tones, looking around as if they were doing the same as him.

At their side sits James. Lily and he just choice two random chairs curious about the urgency of the meeting.

Dumbledore clears his throat. Silence forms in the room at the second, all staring at him expectants.

“A few hours ago death eaters have tried to free Voldemort’s followers from Azkaban. Luckily Severus had informed us in time, and the attempt was frustrated” Molly’s sobs become stronger, “Arthur and Alastor has been harmed, but both of them are out of danger,” the woman keeps crying as if she hasn’t listened to him. “I will keep you informed but for now I think is for the best to let Molly visit her husband. Nymphadora, if you would be so nice.”

Tonks just nods and guides Molly to the chimney.

“Severus,” he says, and Severus follows him to the study without a word.

The place reeks to alcohol, and who knows what else. He tries to ignore the smell; it reminds him old times.

Dumbledore’s lips tighten for a second, a clear signal he is also disgusted.

“Has he called you?”

“Not yet but I am not expected until Christmas”

“He is angry, he might need you”

“You think he will call me to release tension,” he isn’t sure what was he expecting, because when the older man doesn’t react to his accusations, he isn’t surprised at all, “I’ll let you know if he does”

Dumbledore places his hands over his shoulders, “you know I am proud of you, don’t you?”

He shakes the hands away, he doesn’t want to be touched, not with that smell around. However the headmaster’s hands only fall to his upper arms, where they squeeze a little too tight before starting move up and down, in what should be a comforting motion.

The action doesn’t match with Dumbledore’s expression. He is sending a sharping look, as if he were admonishing him for not to accept the touching.

That is ‘the look’, the one who make him apologise even when he doesn’t know why.

“This place brings me bad memories,” he explains, trying to move away.

Albus let him go, but not before a last squeeze to remind him his place.

“Then is for the best to go out,” says the headmaster, his friendly smile returning to his face, “and I have to admit I am not entirely comfortable here either”

Despite his word Dumbledore doesn’t move. He waits until Severus is at his side to put a hand in his middle back to lead him outside.

It is a friendly gesture, completely innocent; however in that moment, it isn’t welcomed at all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Your kudos make me happy, your comments make me happier ;)


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Considerate this a sloppy wrapped (and late in most parts of the world) Christmas present, in special to those who left comment in the last chapter. I am sorry I couldn't reply but I wanted to publish this on Christmas(ish). Thank you so much for them!

The call comes the day the children are returning to their homes for the holidays. He hopes Dumbledore doesn’t suspect strange timing, but likely he just will attribute it to Voldemort wanting to be subtly.

Arriving at Malfoy manor, he has just enough time to hide in his office before Draco appears with his mother. Lucius hushes him there, waiting for the perfect moment to tell his son the last news.

“Are you ok?” He hears the boy, the tone not representing the worry that Severus knows he feels.

“Yes, I wasn’t involved. How was school?”

“The same. We are monsters”

He doesn’t hear Lucius reply; they were too far away. 

Seeing that he is going to be secluded for a while, he decides to explore a little around.

There is dust covering the everything, but otherwise the place is the same. Archives about old researches are organized on the multiple shelves, and his last projects lie on the table.

He grabs a handful of them, some of them he doesn’t even remember that were there. Ways to project his soul and modify it, so he could control dementors; the definitive cure of lycanthropy, and also a poison to kill werewolves by air; a way to mix muggle drugs with potions, and so on.

It is interesting how many of them he could handle at once, when now he barely could think in ideas. So young but not innocent, he never had that chance and his notes show it.

Later, he will retake them, maybe even use the werewolf as test subject.

A smirk forms on his face as he thinks in ways of lure Lupin there, it would be a good way to take revenge for trying to kill him.

He sits in the only armchair that fits in small space. Walls are filled with books, and the table and the chair in where he worked occupied the rest of the room.

Lucius arrives past midnight, looking at the parchment and book in the side of the armchair, his ink stained hands giving him away.

“I see you kept yourself busy,” he says, eyebrow slightly raised, and his finger running over the dust the table “you at least could have cleaned a little”

Lucius keeps his hand where it was, forming figures and leaving marks in the oak table.

“Is he already sleeping?” Lucius nods absent, and Severus recognizes the rune of protection drew on the table, “what happened?”

“I told him everything, he hates me”

Severus sighs, Lucius has always been the melodramatic type, “Draco doesn’t hate you, Lucius. You just have to give him time.”

“He will need a time to process that you are here, but how will he understand why the Dark Lord is not crazy and will sit with us in Christmas dinner?”

This time is Severus’ turn of raising an eyebrow, “you are inviting the Dark Lord to Christmas dinner?” 

“Were you expecting a ‘I am sorry master, but this event is only for the family’?

“He would have understood,” replies Severus, not so sure anymore.

“To you”

He can’t debate that, he still doesn’t know the extent of the healing.

So, instead of looking for some lame excuse, he leads to Voldemort’s bedroom. A hand on his shoulder stopping him.

“He does not want to see you until Christmas; I think he wants to cause a good impression”

He nods, sitting in the armchair again. Lucius cast a cleaning spell and reposes his back on the table, scrutinizing Severus with his eyes.

“So?” He asks finally.

“So what?”

“You and the Dark Lord”

Severus shakes his head and looks away, “no”

“But do you want it?”

His eyes are now on the floor; he doesn’t now what to answer to that. The Dark Lord was his lover, the person he loved the most, but things have changed and he truly does not want to follow his mother’s example.

Then, he thinks in a new scenario. If the Dark Lord orders him to do it, he has little alternative.

“What I want is irrelevant”

Lucius doesn’t contradict him; he can’t. Both have a master now.

“I’ll be here”

Both stare into the other’s eyes. It does not matter how bad things go, they will always take care of each other.

It passes a long time, just staring. They know what can happen in a war, and at some point healing spells won’t be enough.

 

Christmas dinner promises to be awkward. So far Draco has succeed in avoid him, spending most of the time in his bedroom.

Neither Severus looks forward to the encounter and following the example of Draco he secludes himself in his own.

“You know this is not a real bedroom, do you not?” Lucius says as he enters to the room.

“It is my bedroom, and the only thing it misses is a bathroom.”

“And a real bed,” says Lucius pointing at the single bed in the corner of the room. Severus just glares at him, “Anyway, dinner will be ready in half an hour. Do you think the Dark Lord will want to participate?”

“Do you want him to?”

“Only if he is sane enough; he was a good friend once”

Severus pass by Lucius, “I will go”

He climbs to the Dark Lord’s room, being welcomed with a passionate kiss that leave clear his master’s intentions.

It isn’t something he wants, but after all that have happened between them, he doesn’t believe he had options.

So he accepts the kiss but doesn't respond to it. It is better that way, just letting it happen. 

His mind goes away as he doesn't want to think in that. Slaves have no right to reject his masters.

Slaves have no rights.

The lips go away but he isn't aware of his surrounding anymore. His brain is in a better place, a place where he doesn't have to remember.

"Severus, look at me," It is an order, and he is used to obey them. To his surprise, his master isn't mad at him, "you don't want this"

Severus doesn't bother in deny it, lying will only bring him more punishments and he has earned enough already.

"I am sorry, master,"

Voldemort steps away, giving him some space to return to reality.

"It is Tom," he says simply.

It takes him a few moments before he can think coherently.

"It is irrelevant what I want," his hands go to the buttons of his robes, face as blank as ever, but Voldemort- Tom- stops him.

"It is for me" Severus, back from his dissociative state, let out a short, sarcastic puff, "What?" He doesn't reply, anything he says would sound strange to Tom's ears, "Severus, talk to me"

There isn't a way to explain his constant sensation of powerlessness and humiliation. Almost everyone have had those feeling at some point of their life, but for him it is an everyday thing. First his parents, then the Dark Lord, and Dumbledore after that, he never has been free.

He never had the chance to have his own house, or choose a career or job. It is always decided by someone else, his preferences never taken into account and he has no idea how to put that into words.

"Is it my appearance?" Tries Tom again, "I always thought you were above those things but I can accept it. We can wait to see were this potion goes, or-"

Now he can say what he is feeling, he is angry and his tone shows it, "You have tortured me and threw me into a cell not two months ago and now you think I want to sleep with you? It is not your appearance but because you were as bad as the other monsters I have slept with"

"It wasn't me,” Tom defends himself.

He turns on his heels and lowers his voice, "Lucius is expecting you for dinner in fifteen minutes. Do not be late"

For a moment he thinks he will be called back and punished for his insolence, but after five minutes behind the door he convinces himself that it is safe to go away.


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all your kudos and comments. Here another chapter.

Christmas dinner is even more uncomfortable than they expected. Everybody is ignoring the Dark Lord, but for different motives; the Malfoys because of fear, Severus because of anger.

“Severus said you are a prodigy in potions, Draco,” says the Dark Lord in a casual tone.

The boy, who until now had had all his attention focus in playing with his food, flinches and let his fork fall. He pales a little, as if such act of clumsiness would be punished with a cruciatus. Severus couldn’t say it is an unjustified fear.

“He is, he is probably better than Lucius in his seventh year,” Severus tries to help.

“Not you?” asks Draco offended.

Severus smirks. If something would make Draco to speak, it is to attack his ego.

“Well, that is something hard to accomplish. At your age I was already creating ways of improving potions and even creating a few myself”

“I can do that, I just don’t go bragging about it,” Draco sneers

Severus nods. He knows how capable Draco is with potions; he wasn’t lying when he said he was his best student.

“Maybe you two should share notes some day,” says Lucius, his hand ruffling his son’s hair, “maybe your mother can help you. She is the best healer on earth,”

“Thank you, it is what three years in the healers academy do; however, my field is not potion, it is yours”

“Your field were charms if I remember well,”

“You do, my Lord,” she says in a respectful but fearful tone.

“Call me Tom, we were good friends once,”

The three Malfoys start. It is an odd offering, the man who tortured Lucius asking them to call him for his first name, but he was right, they were good friends once.

“Of course my- Tom,” replies Lucius instead of his wife, “we appreciate the honour”

Severus, for the first time in all night, stares at Tom’s eyes, trying to determinate if it is a threat or a love signal. A hint of a smile can be seen in the thin lips and he doesn’t know what to do about that; but what it is certain is he can’t reject the Dark Lord again without risking his friends.

“Working in something interesting, Severus?”

Deep in his thoughts, it takes a moment to react, “Trying to explain the science behind the uses of dragon blood.”

He doesn’t take the weight of his words until it is too late. All the eyes are on him, and everyone except for Draco judging him, knowing the source of his interest in the subject.

Looking down at his food, he starts to eat and the others adults follow his example, only the sound of cutlery scraping on plates could be heard for the rest of the dinner.

 

He manages to avoid everyone until new year. The Dark Lord has not pressed him but eventually he needs to face him.

It doesn’t help that his room doesn’t have a bathroom, and Tom is leaving his room more and more and wandering around the house.

He finds him in the drawing room, playing chess with Draco.

The kid seems terrified, but he appear to be using the game as a distraction, giving the Lord a hard time.

“Draco, did you make your homework already?” he asks, giving the boy the perfect excuse to escape.

Draco shakes his head, but doesn’t speak.

“It is probably a good time, don’t you believe?”

“Excuse me,” says the boy almost running to his bedroom.

Once they are alone, he sits where Draco was. One movements and he wins the game.

“He was letting me win, and I was doing the same,” confesses Tom, “Do you need something, Severus?”

“Just to wish you a happy birthday,”

This time he openly smile, “thank you”

He waits for him to claim his birthday’s present. Despite being absolutely disgusted with himself, Severus is willing to fake pleasure; he has to do it if he wants to keep the Malfoys safe.

“Do you remember my first birthday after you come to live with me?” The question comes unexpected. Of course he did, it was his first real Christmas holidays too, “Do you remember your gift to me?”

“A felix felicis,” answers Severus quickly, “I didn’t have money and I-“

“Severus, do you know how much that potion cost? You always gave me expensive thinks, even if you did not notice it”

He notices it. However, not in the moment and he felt pathetic every time he had to resort to handmade gifts because he couldn’t afford anything else.

“My point is, you made this expensive potions for me and all I can offer you back were a few clothes”

“And housing, food and my school supplies”

Tom shakes his head, “I didn’t offer those things, it was Lucius who paid for all that,” Severus frowns, that piece of information was unknown to him, “he insisted, and he was furious every time I returned him half of the money because you decided to buy second hand supplies”

“You gave me a home,”

“You paid for that every time you worked in the labs,” replies Tom, “You saved me much money, and to have to answer many uncomfortable questions; you could make illegal potions with the ingredients in your hogwarts list”

“They were not so-“

“Severus, I know why you are here,” interrupts Voldemort, making him to close his mouth in the instant, “you are always offering things of great value to me but you are not a thing” Severus lowers his head, “I would never do something like that to you and you should know it by now”

He bites his tongue for not to answer. He doesn’t know, he doesn’t know anything right now.

“You are a person, Severus. You do not sell persons, you do not give persons because persons are not objects.”

But he is, legally and magically. The only reason he can think for Voldemort saying that, it is to be a test.

“I belong to you, mas-“

“You do not belong to anyone,” interrupts the Dark Lord slamming the table with his palms.

Severus stays on his place, waiting stoically for the blow to come. Nothing happens, the eyes, Tom’s eyes return again full of remorse.

“Please, Severus, just understand that because if someone like Dumbledore or anyone else wants to takes advantage of you for your condition, I will never forgive myself”

“Your property will not be touched, my Lord,” replies him confused. He has no idea where Voldemort’s anger comes from. He has never offered himself to Dumbledore and does not have intention to do it.

“It is Tom, Severus. If you do not want to be my lover- because you do not- at least lets be friends”

Tom. It is Tom again, but most of the time he isn’t. He is unstable, but apparently just with him, he was playing chess with Draco after all.


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry for not publishing in a month, I have been without access to neither computer or cellphone.
> 
> I am a little ashamed this chapter just have about a thousand of words but I'll try to write next one as fast as possible.

He thinks in the offer. It’s tempting, a friendship is the healthier they can aspire right now. However, it’ s impossible; not so deep inside there is a madness that is waiting the minimal signal of weakness to crawl its way back.

Tom fakes not to notice his hesitation, but Severus still can see the flash of sadness in the eyes of his ex-lover.

“We will break in Azkaban in a few hours,” he says rearranging the chessboard and moving a pawn.

Severus ignores him, “I do not find advisable to do so, it will only reinforce the idea of you lacking of an ideal”

“They will understand in the right time,” seeing he doesn’t reply, Tom continues, “they were treated unfairly,” Severus gives a sniff of incredulity, he can’t say Bellatrix’s imprisonment was exactly unfair, “they did not have a trial, and they are there because of me”

That is something he can’t refute. Most, if not all, of the death eater were victim of the cruciatus curse and hence its consequences. Angry thirst of revenge and brain damage were a dangerous combination, and people like the Lestrange were never very stable to begin with.

“You will not participate,” finishes Tom.

Severus doesn’t complain, the risk of being spotted by someone of the order is too much, “I will be with Narcissa with the healers.”

Tom nods and let his king fall, giving up in his attempt of playing.

 

The healers turn up to be just Narcissa and him, but despite the lack of help they are perfectly organized.

Narcissa will be in charge of the freed, while Severus will heal the injured. They can’t afford to lose anyone, and both are prepared to support the other in case of necessity.

With everything in place, they have nothing else to do but to wait in the small kitchen of the servant wing of the manor, an unused area for the human service that has been reconditioned for the occasion. 

Narcissa is putting the kettle on the stove, it’s the only thing she can ‘cook’ without burning the entire house or turning it into a poison. 

The tension can be felt in the air. It reminds him one of those morning with his mother, when his father never made it home. She would snap at him at times, giving him a red cheek before he finally arrived.

To difference of everyone else -maybe with exception of Dumbledore- Narcissa has never yelled at him, not even raise her voice. She is probably the only one who has not discharged her anger at him, but times have changed, and she is more nervous than ever.

He doesn’t dare to talk, conforming with observing her from the door.

“You should sit, Severus, they will not come back in a while,”

She leaves a cup on the table, and Severus get closer cautiously, watching attentively her trembling hands.

Sitting across the table, Narcissa smiles, encouraging him to do the same.

“How are things at school, Severus?”

“Draco is fine, excelling in everything as always,”

“I am glad to hear that, but I was asking about you" She says in a sweet tone, "How is Dumbledore treating you?”

He studies her carefully, unsure if she wants a ‘Lucius was right’ or she is genuinely worried. He opts for the later.

“I have it controlled,”

Nodding, she takes a sip from her cup, “you have a home here, never forget that”

The sound of an apparition interrupts them. They jump from their chair, finding Lucius in the other room. More death eaters start to appear from the portkeys they have prepared.

None of them comment on the past meeting, when Severus was punished, more interested in the recent events. He is the one in charge of their health, and they are ones who need to be healed after all.

They rush to tend those who look worse. There is nobody seriously harmed by the recent battle, however the former prisoners are not in good shape.

Severus hands around potions and cures a few bleeding, sprained ankles and other minor issues can wait.

Azkaban has been devastating for the health of the prisoners, physically and mentally, and he knows it will require a significant amount of time for them to recover. He will have to work fast researching for a treatment, because nourishment potions can only do as much.

He begins to cast diagnostic charms first, Narcissa doing the same in the other side. They share concerned looks every few minutes, healing superficial injuries and helping them to bed.

They are weak, extremely thin and with several bad healed fractures, courtesy of the aurors. At some point they must have stopped, there are no recent bruises except the self-inflicted and the ones caused by the fragility of their skin.

They distribute sedatives, for now the best is to let them sleep. Some of them resist for fear to the nightmares provoked by dementors.

Narcissa tries to convince them, talk them through it, however they soon lose their patience and Severus forces the potions down their throats.

Bellatrix is a special case. Severus won’t go near her, they have never get along and he knows his company won’t be welcome. Besides, Narcissa will kill him if he causes more distress to her sister.  
So she tries to reason with her unfruitfully. Then she uses the resource it always has worked in the past, she cries.

He wonders if Bellatrix knows she is being manipulated or if her naivety is product of Azkaban, but she accedes to swallow the potion. Holding tightly the hand of her sister, she falls sleep a few seconds after.

After more than an hour, they have everything controlled, Severus offering himself to give the report to the Dark Lord.

He is in the study already waiting for him, in the desk a pile of what seem medical books.

“They are physically stable,” informs Severus just crossing the door.

“Mentally?”

There is a note of concern in his voice that reminds of old times, when most of the prisoners were just graduated; children involved and harmed by the war, or better said by those who called themselves the good ones. He had never realized how young they were until he started teaching.

He shakes his head, “Impossible to know just now, but it does not look promising,”

“Can you do something?”

“It will require research and it will have the risks associate of experimental treatments”

“Do what you can,” he nods, “Do not return to Dumbledore yet, I want you helping Narcissa”

He nods again, the true is he can use the time and the idea of returning neither look tempting, even with the perspective of seeing Lily again; the last encounter with Dumbledore has left him nervous, despite it is probably his own traumas talking and nothing else.

“Something bothers you,” says Tom slightly narrowing his eyes.

“Just thinking in a treatment,” he lies, not wanting to admit his real thoughts for fear of the Lord’s jealousy.

Tom makes no comment on it, but something tells him he doesn’t believe him.


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for your comments, they mean a lot to me.

Before going back to Dumbledore, he has a dinner with Tom. It is just the two of them, and even if it’s still a little awkward, so far it is going well.

At first he thought it was for talking about work, but Tom doesn’t bring the subject up. Neither Severus does. He is dressed in one of the formal robes from Lucius’ wardrobe, telling himself it is for looking professional; however he can’t lie to himself for long, deep inside he knows it is a date.

They end talking about an interesting experiment that Severus found in the international journal of potions, where a “miracle drug” promise to regrow limbs cut by magic.

Severus insist it is a scam, while Tom defend the prestige of the magazine.

“Well, if you are so sure I will cut Bellatrix’s arm with a sectusempra and we will see if your ‘ossa germinare’ works” he concludes the argument and Tom chuckles, finally giving up.

“I rather not to risk Bella, she has already suffered enough,”

Severus agrees. Despite not liking the woman, she has suffered at the point of insanity, and she will never be the same.

“You always cared about her,”

“You must not be jealous of her, she is different,”

There is something in Tom’s words that make him think he is scared of what he might think; but Severus isn’t jealous, he knows perfectly that Tom sees Bellatrix as a daughter.

“Speaking of Bellatrix, she and the others are doing well. I am feeding them with a mix of draught of peace with elixir of joy, until we have something better to offer”

“Why we always end talking about work?” Says Tom, shaking his head, “it is never just a dinner with you”

“I remember a few times it ended in _other_ things” replies Severus with a half-smile.

Tom’s laughs heartily, sounding as if he is suffocating. It ends in coughing, but as the Lord covers his mouth with his hand, he is still smiling.

“Did you miss me, Severus?”

It is a hard question. He certainly did not miss the cruciatus, but before them, what they had was beautiful, almost perfect.

“I missed the real you,” he closes his eyes for a second, breathing deeply once, “and I missed this”

Silence fills the room, the Lord looking as if he wants to stand and kiss him and Severus hoping he does. It last about a minute and the moment passes, both remembering why it can’t happen, at least not yet.

“How is the research going?” asks Tom breaking the silence.

Severus stares at his plate, suddenly feeling it is too full, “promising, I am using the same potion I use with you as foundation for the new one”

Tom look at Severus’ plate too, “it is getting cold, you should eat”

He can’t eat, but makes an effort and bring the fork to his mouth, a tiny piece of meat going trough his lips.

Contain the urge of vomiting is hard, but he manages to keep the arcades at bay. Tom jump from his seat and help him to stand, guiding him to the bathroom.

“I am fine,” he says when he finally can talk.

Tom sighs, helping him to come out and almost forcing him to sit in a chair at the side of the window. He doesn’t resist much, grateful of the breeze touching his face when he opens it.

“I should not have asked you to do that”

“It’s fine, you had no way to know,”

A hand pets his head, the fingers playing with his hairs as they gently massage his scalp. It is soothing, and he leans into the touch like a touch starved puppy.

“How long have you not eaten?”

“Tomorrow I will be going back, the classes are about to start.”

The hands goes away and he can hear the angry hiss of the Dark Lord; however, when he speaks, he does it in a calmed tone.

“Do not talk about work this night, I will fetch a potion for you and we will enjoy the rest of the evening”

Having the Dark Lord himself going to ‘fetch’ anything for him gives him a odd sense of power. It is not the first time Tom takes care of him when he is ill, but it is not something he would not expect of this new Dark Lord.

As he watches Tom going for the potion, he decides to give him a second chance; perhaps not to trust him, not with that furious hiss and the sudden changes of personality, but a friendship doesn’t sound that bad.

“Tell me about these kids, what it is so special about them”

Severus lips curve, as every time he speaks about his slytherins. They are his children, at least during the school year.

“They are brilliants, each one of them have something unique, even those who are incompetents in almost every subject,” Tom offers him the bottle and he drinks it at once; distracted by the talk he doesn’t complain at all, “I have this kid in seventh year, he is a prodigy in arts, specially good in transfiguration but useless in anything else. He obtained a scholarship in the Magical Institute of Fine Arts”

“I suppose you have nothing to do with it,”

Severus dedicates him an accomplice smile, “He might have come out in the conversation when I was dinning with an old student who result to be the headmaster,” leaning back in the chair, he combs his hair back with his fingers, “and perhaps I extol his skills a little. But it is just a coincidence that his acceptance letter arrived a week later”

“I am sure it is,” says the Lord, smiling too.

“And there is this group of kids who associate to some ravenclaws, we fear, Flitwick and I, what they are capable of doing together”

“Do you get along with Flitwick?”

There is only curiosity in the question, and Severus feels it is safe to answer honestly, “I get along with most of the other teachers, or at least I don’t hate them”

“Most of them...” repeats Tom thoughtful.

“Well, Slughorn is teaching this year”

There is no need to say more, the Dark Lord is perfectly aware of his animosity towards the old potion master. Years of negligence toward ‘the friendless, poor and ugly half-blood’ are hard to forget.

Instead of going through the train of memories, he talks about his worries, of how it is affecting his students. They talk about the seventh years students, and how the Weasley twins remember him too much of himself at their age. And when it is morning, they are still talking, two cups of chamomile tea served, resting in the coffee table in front of him. His is almost full, to difference of Tom’s who have had more time to drink it between sentences, leaving clear who have been the listening part throughout the night.


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for your kudos and comments, they really make my day.

Dumbledore is angry. Despite being welcomed with the usual ‘my boy’ and words of fake preoccupation, he can tell the man isn’t happy with him.

It’s hard to convince him that he didn’t know about the plan, and after that, Severus feels that he still blames him for the deaths in the escape from Azkaban.

Two aurors loss their lifes in there, Ellis and Wilson, and even if he doesn’t particularly cares about them, they had agree not to kill at least it was strictly necessary; however, at this point, he wouldn’t be surprised the casualties weren’t responsibility of the death eaters.

In other news, Arthur Weasley and Moody are back, both in perfect shape, much to Severus’ disappointment. In his opinion Moody should rot and die, it is the lest he deserves.

The Weasley’s patriarch is another story. The Weasleys always have been decent to him, but they couldn’t be called close. The true is he wouldn’t suffer for the death of Arthur, but neither look forward to it.

“And I prefer you know it from my mouth. Sirius’ charges have been dropped and he, along with James and Lily, will start to work at Hogwarts after the holidays,” concludes Dumbledore after they finish to talk about his visit to Voldemort in the foul-smelling study of Black’s house.

He opens and closes his mouth, unable to generate a reply that doesn’t imply yelling, or an hysterical laugh. Black is the most unstable human being he ever meet, and to trust him with the safety of children is plainly derisory. 

“What?” he says after a few seconds.

“He deserves another chance in life, he has suffered too much”

“He tried to kill me Albus,” something in the old man’s face told him he wouldn’t change his decision, whatever he says, “what will they be teaching?"

“Defence against the dark arts will be retaken by Remus; Lily will be apprentice of Horace in potions, and James and Sirius will be in charge of duelling.”

“Last time, duelling class was a total disaster,” he sneers, hoping it will not finish in deaths this time. Lockhart was useless, Potter and Black are dangerous. “Whatever you say, but I hope you don’t expect it to be mandatory”

Dumbledore’s expression hardened, “It will be, the children need to know how to protect themselves in the times we live”

His lips tightens, containing himself of remind him that their knowledge would probably be useless in a real battle.

“I suppose I will still be the head of house of Slytherin”

“Of course”

He nods, not wanting to continue the conversation. Luckily, screams from the outside of the room interrupt them.

They rush to see what is happening, not able to distinguish the words over the screams of Black’s mother. Once the curtains are closed, they catch a few of them from the youngest Weasley’s mouth.

“-and I won’t do it, not for you, nor for the bitch of your-“ A slap impends her to finish the sentence. A door slamming and the sound of feet stomping down the stairs marks the end of the fight.

All the inhabitants of the house have congregated in the hallway, questioning looks directed to Molly, whose face is red and full of tears.

“We were giving her the news,” she says between sobs, her eyes on Dumbledore as if ‘the news’ were something just the two of them know, “and she took it worse that we imagined”

“Children can be tough sometimes, she will come around, you will see.” Dumbledore come closer to her, hugging her fatherly.

They watch how the headmaster is replaced by Arthur, his face redder than his wife, but his is clearly because of angriness for the insolence of their daughter.

Everyone retires to what they were doing before the fight, Severus using the moment to steal away from Dumbledore.

“I heard you will be teaching this year,” he whispers to Lily’s ear from behind.

She turn around with a radiant smile, “I will, you have no idea how excited I am”

An uneasy feeling settles in his stomach, the fact she not considering it is his job what she is taking. However, he has never been appreciative of his job, teaching has been a burden more than a pleasure for him when it comes to disinterested brats like Potter.

And being Slughorn’s assistant isn’t tempting, enough was having him as a teacher to want him as his boss too.

“We will be living together, I guess”

She nods, her hands going to her pockets and the smile never leaving her face, “amazing, isn’t it? It will be like old times”

Old times, the ones he was tortured on a daily basis for her husband and friends, but he would be lying to himself if he says he is not excited of having her close; Lily is his best friend, doesn’t matter what the world thinks.

“I am glad you are having your life back, even if that imply to put up with your insufferable husband”

“I am sorry you have to go through it, but he has changed,” he looks away from her, but her hands to the sides of his face and he has to look at her again, “he has changed, Severus”

He is not that optimistic, not when he was victim of Potter’s bullying for seven years; because despite what everybody seems to think, Potter didn’t stop after he started to date with Lily. He isn’t scare of Potter or Black, but it will be three against one, and they have a beast on their side.

But he won’t tell this to Lily, it would fall in deaf ears. She is too innocent, seeing good in everyone and everything, monsters included.

 

The last day of holidays he helps Lily to move to the castle. Her quarters will be located close to the Gryffindor tower, which is normal considering all her time apart from her son.

He wonders what the boy thinks about it. He will be happy of having his mother close, of course, but what will happen after a while, when he gets used to have parents.

“Thank you, Sev, I don’t know what I would do without you?”

“Maybe ask to the idiot of your husband to help you with the full kitchen equipment you had to buy, because apparently you forgot that we have domestic elves in this school” he answers in a fake angry tone, the true is he doesn’t mind if he gets to spend more time with Lily.

“James is with the boys today, they are teaching Harry a few hidden rooms”

“How is he taking it?” he asks, his curiosity getting the best of him.

She shrugs and sits on the couch, “I don’t know, for some reason he can’t bond with James, not in the way we expected”

“And with you?”

“It couldn’t be better, he is desperate for a mother, I don’t think Tuney has done a great job.” She sighs, a slight smile forming on her face, “but I am here again, and whatever she did, more are the chances he will want to live with us in the summer”

He can’t believe his ears. He understands how important is for Lily to share with her son, but not at the cost of the boy’s suffering.

“Even if he was hurt?”

“He was not hurt, Severus, do not be ridiculous, she probably just forbidden him of using magic or something like that. Tuney would never harm a child”

He still have his doubts, the Petunia he knows wasn’t a nice person; however, Lily had said she talked to her before their capture and she had promised to take care of Harry.

“Maybe you should visit her, see what’s wrong,”

“I will,” she says simply, leaning back on the couch, “if I am teaching potions, what will you be doing?”

“I will be in charge of the Slytherins, make sure they don’t kill anyone and things like that.” He waves a hand dismissively. He doesn’t want to make her feel guilty, so he keeps his complains to himself; it will be a boring year without teaching, and it doesn’t make much sense to stay at Hogwarts neither.

“It will be an interesting year for both of us,” she taps her side and Severus sits, “I missed you so much”, she says as she throws her arms around his shoulder.

When she is kissing his cheek, the door opens and a clearly upset James Potter, crosses it.

“Jimmy, you are finally back,” she nervously separate and stand to greet her husband, “Severus was just leaving, weren’t you, Sev?”

She pleads with the look and Severus decides to help her, but not without having a little fun first, “of course, a _pleasure_ to see you, Lil”

He doesn’t stays to see Potter’s reaction, holding a laugh as he walks back to his quarters.


	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for kudos and comments, they always make me smile

As he has foreseen, before the first week of school ends, he is utterly bored. The research is a priority, but after a few days doing nothing else, it becomes tedious and he stops enjoying it.

He falls into a sort of routine. He wakes up at noon, skip breakfast and lunch, read a little, brews for a few hours, then goes to dinner at the great hall with Lily.

They have been flirting for a while, in an attempt to make Potter jealous. Severus knows he is being used, and Lily doesn’t even bother in denied it when he asks, but it brings him satisfaction to see the toerag suffer.

It is not the first time they play that game. Lily had learnt quickly that there was no better way to catch attention from boys that to put some competence. It was fun, but it didn’t help much with his popularity.

Now they are more subtly since there is a reputation to keep from both parts, however it’s still fun to see Potter cringing every time they are out of the sight of the students, and Severus leans forward to whispers in Lily’s ear and she chuckles in response.

But Potter’s misery isn’t enough to distract him from his inactivity, and getting up in the morning becomes harder and harder as the time goes.

There is an entry call on the floo network, and he answer. It is probably Lucius, wanting to know how the research is going.

“Lucius,”

The head of his friend appear in the fireplace. “Severus, how are you?”

They can’t speak freely, to difference of everything else in his rooms, the floo network isn’t safe. What he says can and will be listened by the headmaster, and even used as evidence against him in a trial. He can’t tell Lucius how bored he is, and that he isn’t enjoying his research anymore.

“I imagine you are not here to speak about my health,” Lucius catches the hint and makes silence, “and about our mutual task, I am afraid I have not had many progress lately.”

He puts some pages of his notes into the fire, nothing compromising if it is intervened, just something to prove he is working.

“I suggest you to work faster,” says Lucius as a goodbye.

He takes a random book and open it with a sigh. He has read it a few times before, but his eyes are looking for a distraction. The words lack of sense, they are just words now, even the ones scribbled in an intelligible handwriting in the corner of the paper.

His finger passes over one of his drawing, he sighs again. It is useless. He is useless.

Desperate knocks on the door get him out of his self-pity trip. He jumps on his feet, it is too late, past curfew, and if it is one of his students, it must be bad.

A crying Ginnevra Weasley with Pansy Parkinson at her side waited for him at the other side. The oldest girl watch both sides before pushing the gryffindor inside an letting herself in.

He lifts an eyebrow, better they have a good excuse to be there.

“I found her crying in one of the old classroom,” since Weasley is still crying, it is Pansy who does the talking. He keeps his expression, that information doesn’t explain anything, “It’s a bond kind of problem.”

That would explain Pansy’s sympathy, as many other slytherin girls she isn’t strange to marriage bonds and contracts. It have been a problem through the years, in a house that favoured tradition over anything else, parents wanted to assure the future of their little ones.

Bonds have not been used in many years, at least not in underage witches. They are illegal, and punished with jail in the best of the cases, so Severus only needs to deal with contracts.

Contracts aren’t easy to break, but anything is possible with a good lawyer, and Severus knows plenty of them.

“I am to assume that you are speaking about a marriage contract”

Pansy shakes her head and guides the younger to a chair, “bond”

“As I am sure miss Parkinson explained to you, marriage bonds are illegal in anyone under the age of seventeen”

“And illegal makes it impossible” says Weasley sarcastically, her eyes red of so much crying, and her face still wet with tears.

Sadly, it doesn’t make it impossible. His has been done without his consent and nobody did anything, neither they could do it now.

“Very well, begin to explain then,”

Pansy takes the chair at her side and he sits in front of them, their eyes never abandoning the girl.

“It started when dad went back to home,” she sniffs, “they said it was safer for me if I found a boy with whom to marry, that he would protect me. They mentioned Harry, but he is just a friend,” she makes herself smaller on her place, “I told them no and then they told me it has to happen. They told me about the bond then”

There is no way in hell Lily Potter will give her only son in marriage, neither most of the parent, which only leaves an adult with little sense of morality.

“As I said, bonds are illegal. I recommend you to raise your concerns to the headmaster, and he will indicate the steps to follow to remove you from your parents care”

He doesn’t want to think in the implication of the removal of the girl from her home. She is too young to sustain herself, and any other adult in her life is too close to her parents to be an option. She would end up in an orphanage, and the streets after that.

“I already ‘raise my concerns’ to Dumbledore, and he kindly asks me about Harry’s thoughts, and assured me my parents have the best of the intentions in their minds,” replies the girl with a nerve that he would have punished in any other circumstance; however, giving the gravity of the situation, he lets it slip, “and that was just after I spoke with professor Mcgonagall, she asked me the same,” she sniffs again, as remembering what she was doing before talking, “I don’t want to marry, I am fourteen”

The age is what make him to take the decision. He was fourteen too and it is his obligation to get involved, even if that brings him consequences with Dumbledore later.

“Look at me, Weasley”

The girl hesitates before doing it. As soon as they make eye contact, he enters into her mind. He travels trough her memories, looking for any hint of trickery. 

She seems to be honest, her story coincides with what there is in her mind. It also gives him an idea of her family environment, the Weasleys seems to be good parents, until now. He wonders how Dumbledore convinced them to do something like this.

He breaks the link, and she takes her hands to her ears and closes her eyes; her senses are overstimulated and will need a few minutes to recover.

Pansy watches them with a mix of fear and fascination. Severus is sure she has never seen someone using legilimency before. She probably wonders if she is next, but Severus doesn’t need to.

“Now, seeing the headmaster and the deputy headmistress are neglecting their duty, I expect you understand how serious is your situation,” she twists her hands over her lap, blinking several times as if she is going to cry again, “if you decide to do this, I expect discretion from both of you”

Both girls nod, “I won’t say a word if you stop it”

He goes to the bookcase, extracting a book from the higher shelves. He walks again, back to them, showing them a page near the end.

“This,” he says pointing a drawing on the corner, “is a protection sigil, and it will prevent any kind of bond,”

“I won’t be able to get married,”

“Not magically, however your marriage will still be legal”

He wishes the sigil was created when he was a child, but it was an invention he came after he found out what he was.

“And?”

“Anything that bond you to someone, or something, oaths, vows. You will never be reliable; and someone could use other methods to assure your fidelity.”

“What- what other methods?” she asks hesitant.

He doesn’t want to answer, to break the child’s innocence and tell her she may be tortured, or killed. Objects and potions could be used for her to comply, and it would be consider it legal. He knew plenty of potions more dangerous than an oath.

“Your treatment will be worse in Azkaban, if you ever go there. There will be no parole for you, no deal,” he continues, ignoring her question, “and mediwitches need to take an oath, thus it will not be a career option for you”

“But it will protect me from the bond?”

“Only the bond”

A look of understanding crosses her face. The sigil will protect her from the bond, the law from the marriage, however nothing could prevent rape, and a child is the perfect way to join two persons, willing or not.


	24. Chapter 24

“I need a verbal answer, Weasley”

She has been in silence for a long time, too long. There are portraits and domestic elves, and Severus is sure Dumbledore already knows they are in there. That is in the best case scenario; in the worst, the girl runs straight to Dumbledore and accuses him of betrayal.

“I will do it,” she says finally, in a weak but determined tone.

“And I will need to do it with your wand,”

The determination wipes from her face, her right hand going to her pocket and staying there.

Pansy stands from her seat, kneeling in front of the younger and careful taking her free hand between hers.

“It’s ok, he won’t hurt you, I promise,” Ginnevra’s eyes go from Pansy to Severus, and then back to Pansy. He is about to give up, send the girls on their way and look for another solution, but Pansy does the unthinkable and offers her own wand to the younger, “you can have mine in the meantime, it will just be a few minutes”

Severus nods in reassurance, and put himself at the back of Ginnevra. She trades his wand with Pansy, who gives it to him.

He starts to work, making Ginnevra flinch when a big portion of his long hair is shaved. She hisses as he began his drawing, the smell of burning hair filling the air. It must be perfect, any mistake and the effect will be lost, so he does it slowly, putting special attention to the details.

“Mistress Potter said you are not a bad person,” she says between groans of pain, “she is right”

“Be quiet”

“Harry is having these weird dreams,” she continues as if he has not talked, “he thinks he is being possessed by you-know-who”

It is an interesting information, however if the girl keeps spilling secrets left and right, Dumbledore would know in no time what he is doing there.

“I recommend you to learn when to shut up, otherwise you will bring unwanted attention to us”

“But you are of trust,” exclaims the girl, turning around, giving him just enough time to take off his wand” 

“In this moment nobody is of trust,” he says deadly serious, and with a hand over her shoulder he forces her to reassume her position, “now, be quiet or I will have to petrify you”

“I won’t say a word,” she repeats in a whisper one last time.

 

Two weeks pass from the incident with Weasley. Besides furtive conversations between Pansy and her, they seems to be discrete.

Nothing he have been able to find out about the girl’s parents and their motivations to do this. Neither he can ask directly, when he was inquired by Dumbledore about the girls, he dismissed it as they looking for a potion for their menstrual pain. No more questions were made after that.

His flirting with Lily had stopped altogether. For some reason students whisper every time they see him, dispersing when he is close enough to hear them.

One day he is called to Dumbledore office. He fears the worst when he sees the two girls sitting in front of the headmaster, who holds a piece of parchment in his hands.

“Severus, I think you know why you are here,”

“I am afraid I do not, headmaster,”

Playing dumb is the safer for now. The sigil couldn’t be traced back to him, for it hadn’t been made by his wand. He just had to play his part and everything would be fine.

“You don’t know anything about this?” Asks Dumbledore extending him the parchment.

It is a request for him to teach again, signed by several students, included the entire seventh year group. All his slytherins were there too, and most of the ravenclaws. There are not many hufflepuff and gryffindors, but it doesn’t really surprise him.

“I did not know anything about this, headmaster,”

Dumbledore frowns and stroke his beard, asking back for the parchment with his hand. Severus hands it him, and Dumbledore examines it again.

“Very well, your contract has not changed, and the school rules indicate that a replacement must be provided if at least the forty percent of the students ask for it,”

What Dumbledore says doesn’t have any logic, if that were the case, he would have been replaced long time ago, also Umbridge.

He looks at the girls in askance, and Pansy dedicates him a shit eating grin.

“Daddy is a lawyer”

His eyes go back to Dumbledore, who seems to study him, “What do you think about this, headmaster?”

Dumbledore nods, “they want a teacher, and you are a teacher,” he claps his hands and forces a smile toward the girls, not actually happy of being outsmarted, “since everything is sorted out, I think there is no reason to continue this meeting”

The two girls stand, getting out of the office with a quick goodbye. They must have sense the danger and Severus is glad they escaped on time.

“Are you sure of this, headmaster?” He impress discontent in his voice, hoping that his misery placate the headmaster ire.

It seems to work, the eyes of Dumbledore twinkle again, “Yes, Severus, I am sure, but I am hoping you only take the student on the list”

“Yes headmaster.” He agrees reluctant, concerned about the plans that Dumbledore has for those who didn’t sign.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for you comments, I love to hear what you think


	25. Chapter 25

Things are going well. Teaching is the distraction he needs, especially now his students really want to learn.

The change is notorious, as soon as he puts the first foot in the seventh year’s classroom, he is bombarded with questions.

Reports with the progress of their projects are already on his desk, and he manages to reach to them before start answering.

After most of their doubts are resolved, the complains against Slughorn begin. Apparently, the old potion master changed the complete structure of the course, making them repeat techniques they had mastered the years before.

Severus has never lost his time that way, that is why he only accepts O students in his class. He may correct them as they work, but he assumed all his students know the basic.

“Class for babies,” complains Robertson, one of the three ravenclaws in his class.

“Well, it suits him,” says one of the Weasley twins matter-of-factly.

“Ten points from Gryfffindor, mister Weasley,” Severus doesn’t bother in sound credible, he just wanted a excuse to take points but couldn’t care less if they go around disrespecting the old potion master, “professor Slughorn is, was, your teacher”

“Teachers have to teach, and he never teach us anything”

The last in speak is Hover, a quiet Slytherin who usually hide behind his friends. None of them are in his class, so hearing him is a new.

“Go back to your seats,” he says, finishing the conversation, “you too mister Weasley, I want both of you working in your respective projects”

He had never been capable of recognizing them, but he is sure they switch places every now and then. Is not like it really matters, as long as they are working and don’t blow themselves.

He wonders what did their parents tell them about their sister, if they had told them something at all. The Weasley siblings were very close, he couldn’t imagine them approving child marriage.

Neither would he have imagined from the girl’s parents, yet there they are.

The class last more time than stipulated, and he has practically to force them to leave. It’s the last class of the day, and he couldn’t have them to miss dinner, or, seeing as things are going, being past curfew.

Finally, he compromises to ask for an extra class on the week or at least a classroom where to brew in their free time.

As he walk back to his rooms, he meets Lily, who is ready for dinner and is probably waiting for him.

“How it went?” She asks as soon as she sees him.

“They are eager to learn, as most of my NEWT students”

She smiles, “I hope it doesn’t bother that Harry had not signed the petition”

It definitely does not bother him. Not having to teach the golden trio or Longbottom is probably the best has happened to him.

“Not at all, I am sure he wants to spend time with his mother”

“Yes, about that, do you believe he is uncomfortable around James and me?”

He has no idea how to answer to that, he has no need of protecting Potter since his parents are back, therefore he pays little attention to him.

“His parents have just come back to life, I think uncomfortable is one way to put it”

In front of his door there is someone waiting for him. He recognizes Shacklebolt, and he makes a gesture to Lily to go for dinner without him.

She sends him a questioning look, but goes away without a word. It could be anything, but he can’t avoid to fear the worst, he already have been in Azkaban once.

“Shacklebolt,” he says opening the door for him, “how may I help you”

The man look both sides before entering. He clearly is uncomfortable, which banish his fears; aurors are never uncomfortable when they come to arrest someone.

“Hello, Severus,” he looks at the door which is still opened, as considering to run away and fake this never happened, “I was wondering how are you doing”

Severus lifts an eyebrow, “and why would you be wondering something like that?”

“You were in quite a shock the other day,” he keeps his sceptical face and the other man sighs, “I was worried, that is all”

“That is all?” he repeats incredulous. That man had gone to the school and waited behind his door to know about his health, it doesn’t make any sense.

“Yes, I know what you went trough must be traumatic. When you were a child, and then again,” Shacklebolt stop as if he had said a forbidden thing, “my point is, there is people who can help you”

The auror hands him a piece of paper. It is a business card for some psychologist that, he imagines, work with them. It says is an expert in Ptsd. 

Severus snort, this is the most stupid idea someone has presented to him, and he had corrected Potter’s essays since the boy was eleven.

“And what do you expect me to do with this,” he sneers, returning the card, “go there and admit I am a death eater, who turns out to be a spy?”

“You could talk about what happened to you as a child, she will listen”

If there is something he hates about Gryffindors, it is their inclination to play hero.

“Even if I wanted, and I do not, I cannot tell I am a slave without fear the consequences”

“I read about that, but you don’t have to say anything you don’t want”

“Go away Shacklebolt”

The man stands there a second, then sighs again and leaves the card on a nearby table.

“I will leave this here, in case you change your mind”

Severus doesn’t look at him as he closes the door, checking the card for spying spells and tossing it into the trash. He doesn’t need a stupid psychologist, or anything the aurors can offer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for kudos and comments :)


	26. Chapter 26

He choices the evening before his next visit to Tom to finally attend to a duelling class. 

It is something he has to do, despite not having any complains yet, he wants to make sure the class is not being used as an excuse to attack Slytherins. Besides, it will make Lily stop nagging him about going and see how her husband has "truly" changed.

Changed, he thinks with a scoff. James Potter is not capable of change, especially not with his friends by his side again.

The great hall is crowded with people, fifth and sixth years reunited in the same class. The students are paired up and facing each other, but they still don't start to practice. 

They are divided by house, and even if is not so practical in a real battle, it is still a relief for Severus because Slytherins won't be targeted. 

Black walks among the teenagers, many of them flinching when he is close enough; despite he looks considerably more clean and recovered than he looked two years ago, he is still an ex-convict. He corrects postures and assures there is a proper distance between them, and so far he seems to be doing a good job.

James is on the other side of the hall doing the same. He is with the gryffindors, whispering something to his son's ear, who nods but doesn't reply.

Watching them together it is easier to tell difference. Not only in attitude, but physicals too. It is not just the eyes anymore, the boy is much smaller than his father, and his hair messier. It is strange how his animosity against the kid has suddenly vanished, but not having to deal with him in class has absolutely something to do with it.

"I am glad you finally came, my boy,"

Dumbledore gives him a friendly pat on his back, and he knows it is only in his head but it seems too close to his slave mark, after all the mark is on his neck.

"Lily insisted it would be a good idea,"

"And she is right, my boy, it is time to leave old grudges aside and focus in our shared goals"

"Severus! You are finally here"

Lily appears just in time to save him from the uncomfortable conversation. She drags him to where her husband and son are, none of them acknowledging his presence.

Who did notice it is Draco, who stares from the other corner. Soon, all the slytherins are sending him sideways glances as wondering what is he doing with the gryffindors.

He sees Black barking something to them and after multiple roll of eyes, they return to their original position.

Potter moves to where the teacher's table used to be and clears his throat to draw attention from the students. Black rushes to his side.

"Welcome to a new class, today we will keep working in protective spell. Remember to keep distance between each other, you may begin"

The students start to throw spell, in what soon becomes chaos. It is impossible to know what spell are they shouting and who is doing it, but somehow Black and Potter are always there to avoid disaster.

He observes the slytherins. They look mostly bored, some of them lazily waving their wands, while others laughed and pointed the other houses, and Severus well knows they are planning something against them.

Ignoring Lily's protests, he walks toward them. It isn't just a prank when there are so many people around. Anything they do could end in serious harm.

"What are you doing so important, that you are not working?"

The kids stare at him with guilty faces, and begin to work. He does Potter and Black’s job, teaching them the proper posture and techniques, because apparently both friends just decided to ignore the group and neglect their education.

He stays in there long enough to convince himself they are not getting new ideas before going back to Lily.

"They should be quiet for a while," he comments when he is close enough.

"So, what do you think?"

Severus looks around, he can't say Black and Potter are doing a bad job. Three of the four houses are learning, and they have everything under control despite having all the fifth and sixth years together.

"It is not so bad," he admits reluctantly, "but someone should remind them slytherins are also their students."

Lily chuckles, "I think they are a little scared of them"

He doesn't reply, entertaining himself with the mini-battles forming between the students when they believe the teachers aren't watching.

Apparently, the boy-who-lived took pity on Longbottom and chose him as a partner. Yet, he couldn’t resist the temptation of have a little of real practice.

He’d have intervened, but Longbottom isn’t in danger. Harry’s spells are controlled, and limited to expelliarmus and stupefy.

Somehow Longbottom manages to keep his wand, even if he has not been capable of return any spell. He keeps advancing though, and suddenly he is only a couple of feet from Harry.

He is too close and Harry uses the opportunity; pointing directly to his wand he cast the disarming charm. What Severus isn’t expecting is Longbottom moving his free hand and send a wandless expelliarmus, resulting in both wands falling on the floor.

In his shock, Severus try to find someone in the room who can confirm what he just see. At her side, Lily stares the scene with watery eyes and a small smile.

“If he is the chosen one, Harry doesn’t have to fight”

He doesn’t answer, noticing Dumbledore looking at the teenagers with a dangerous glint in his eyes.


	27. Chapter 27

"How was your birthday?" Asks Lucius at his arrival at the manor, "you did remember it was your birthday, did you not?"

"How to forget the anniversary of when I ruined my parent's life"

Lucius shakes his head and snort. Without another word he leads to the kitchen.

It is a surprisingly normal, old kitchen, very muggle for Malfoy's standards, even if the fridge and the stove still worked with magic.

The Dark Lord isn't there, and Severus worries this is one of these talks that will finish in curses from both sides.

"She did not remember it, did she?" He knows to whom he refers, and he hates when Lily comes out in their conversations, "I mean, you insist you are best friends"

"She has been through too much these fifteen years," he says, tired, "and she has a lot on her mind right now"

"Like her husband, who happens to torture you back in school"

"We are not in school anymore," he replies quickly, "stop this, Lucius, this is none of your business"

"No, it is not," he says before turning around and leave.

Severus sighs, it is the same every time. Lucius is jealous of his friendship with Lily, but both relationships are totally different. Whilst he meet Lily when they were children and hence it gave them the chance of growing up together, Lucius was already an adult. He was the first adult in truly care about him.

Narcissa enters to the room, but before she can open her mouth, he speaks.

"Don't"

"I have not said anything yet," Severus lifts an eyebrow, "Do you know how much I hated you when we first meet?" A small smile plays on his lips, he does remember, "it was all Severus here, Severus there, and it took me a year to understand it wasn't about you but it was Lucius who needed to look after someone"

They stare each other for a while, it is like she has read his mind. Severus sighs again.

"He is just worried about you, we don't want to lose you again." He nods, Narcissa is right, he can't complain against Lucius after all he has done for him, "The Dark Lord is outside, near the greenhouse as a lovesick teenager"

He nods again and goes there, still thinking about her words and Lucius. It is true the blonde has always protected him, and it worries him he wanted to play hero someday, because the Dark Lord wouldn’t be happy of being contradicted.

It could happen, patience has never been Tom’s strong point, and he has already show not being entirely healed. And even if he were, he wasn’t a nice man before; he was a good lover and a good leader, but not a nice man.

He finds Tom where Narcissa had told him, standing among the trees and looking where the labs and the greenhouse are.

“Is there anything I can do for you to forgive me?” he says without turning around.

Severus walks to him, but doesn’t answer. He isn’t sure there is something he can do, trust has been broken, and not only because he wasn’t himself; the Dark Lord kept the collar, and he couldn’t make sense of the why.

"Was it real?" He asks suddenly, he needs to know the reasons, "what there was between us? Was it real?"

"Of course it was, Severus," Answer Tom, pain dyeing his face.

Severus shakes his head, pressing his lips together, trying to find the words. He knows it was real, but is not what he is asking.

"When we start, or before that, you did not trust me"

"Severus, you were fourteen," he says frowning, "I did not at first, but I never acted on it. And later, I trusted you with my life"

"You keep the collar, why would you do something like that if you did not fear I would betray you?" Tom looks aside, his eyes filling with tears, yet he stays silent, "you could at least changed the colour, or make a new one. It didn't have to be that one."

"Severus, I couldn't-"

"Do you still have it?" Interrupts he abruptly.

There is silence again and it is the confirmation he needs; Tom still doesn't trust him. He is risking his life, going to Dumbledore and knowing he will end in Azkaban if he is spotted as a spy, yet a part of him understand, he did betray Tom once.

"I understand,"

"No, Severus, you do not," replies the Dark Lord, putting himself together and walking toward him. He puts his hands over his shoulders, the grip firm, "Severus, I truly cannot do it, because-" Tom takes a deep breath before continue, as gathering forces for what he is about to say, "because your mother connected it to you"

Severus just stays in there, frozen. The air feels too cold and his legs weak. The hands on his shoulders push him down, gently sitting him on the floor and the dark lord does the same.

He doesn't want to believe it. He knows the one of the deal was his mother, she was the witch, hence the only one who could do it, but a part of him thought she wanted to protect him. He wouldn't have survived that summer if she didn't send him away.

However, she must really had hated him to do something like that. It was assuring he would be tortured for the rest of his life.

"She cursed the collar so I couldn't take it from you, much less destroy it. We managed to partially break the curse, however it will hurt you irreversibly if I kept trying to destroy it"

"I want to see," he says with tears on his eyes, "show me"

"It will hurt you,"

"Show me," he repeats, this time in a firmer tone.

The Dark Lord stands and helps him to do the same. The way to his study is silent, awkward, but he doesn't know what to say.

Tom opens the first drawer of the desk and extract the collar and it hurts him to see how easy was to access to it.

"You were thinking in use it."

"No, Severus, no," replies Tom, "I was still trying to break the curse"

He nods unconvinced, watching carefully how a small flame appears at the end of Tom's wand. As the flames goes near the collar, his neck begins to burn. Tom tries to retire his wand, but Severus clasp on his arm and forces him to stay where he is.

The pain becomes unbearable, tears escaping from his eyes, but he still doesn't move. The Dark Lord lets his wand go, and it falls on the floor with a thud. Before he can reach for it, Severus has his own wand pointing to the collar.

"Sectum-"

"Expelliarmus!"

The wand flies away, and in no time it is convoked by the Lord.

"Give me my wand"

"No," he says as he puts the collar back in the drawer and lock it with spells, "not until you calm down"

"Give me my wand"

Tom extends his hand and cleans his tears. Then, with a hand on his back he push him toward him, and forces him into an embrace.

He tries to free himself, but Tom is stronger. Soon, the tension in his muscles ease, and he finds himself sobbing against his shoulder.

"She hated me," he whispers, still crying.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to everyone for your comments :)


	28. Chapter 28

Tom's hand slide to his neck, and seized by panic he puts his own hand over it to stop it; he can't believe Tom would use his moment of weakness to take advantage.

The warm of a healing charm makes him like an idiot, he has totally forgotten about the burn.

"You are shaking," says Tom chastely kissing his forehead, "and you have fever"

He is shaking, but he is not so sure about the fever. Tom's blood is colder than a normal human being, anything would look like fever to him.

"Give me my wand,"

Hesitant, Tom complies, watching carefully how he performs the diagnostic spell on himself.

Severus pockets his wand and shows him his bare hands, so Tom knows he can be trusted with his own safety again.

"No fever," he informs, collapsing onto a nearby chair.

The recent events have left him emotionally exhausted, and it will require time to raise his occlumency shields again. He is in no condition of facing Dumbledore anytime soon.

"Do not go back," says Tom as if he had read his mind.

"Dumbledore does not expect me back soon, he has a supply teacher in hand in case you demand my _assistance_ for longer than expected." They had already talked with Albus about this and they agreed his priority was to please Voldemort in order to win his trust again; Lily and Slughorn could handle his students for a week or two. 

Tom shakes his head, "I am not just talking about today, Severus. It is not healthy or safe for you to stay in there, and you are of more use in here"

"I cannot do that, Tom, those children are my responsibility"

"We will find a way to keep them safe,"

He forces a smile, "when we do it, I will stay, but not before"

"You are not being reasonable-"

"If my master orders it, I shall obey," he interrupts coldly, regretting immediately his words when he sees Tom's face.

He is guilt tripping Tom in a way that would make Dumbledore proud, and he feels disgusted with himself by that. However, he needs to stop the discussion; Tom must think with his head and understand that they couldn't just leave the children at the mercy of Dumbledore.

"The Weasleys are offering their daughter in marriage," he says, trying to explain how far Dumbledore is going, "she is fourteen"

A flash of red passes through Tom's eyes, his lips pursing in disgust, "Do you believe Dumbledore is involved?"

"Definitely. The Weasley only have one daughter and so far they look as good parents, they wouldn't be doing this otherwise."

"Did they publish it? How did you know about this?"

Apparently, he has awaken Tom's interest and hence distracted him from their argument, "One of my slytherins found her crying, brought her to me. As far as I know I am the only other with the information,

"They are demanding a bond, Potter is their first option but I don't believe they will stop there if he or his parents refuse. I putted the sigil we developed with Lucius on her"

Tom closes his eyes, the sigil is part of the memories that were erased and Severus can see how they still bring him confusion. He nods after a while, confirming he remembers the event.

"Then she is protected for now"

"Only if the sigil works, we never had the chance to test it."

"And this girl, what can you tell me about her?"

"She was possessed by your diary in her first year"

He knows where Tom is going with his questions, he wants another informant, one closer to the youngers. It is for the best warn him now; the girl could be grateful, but she wouldn't forget the attempt of murder so easily.

"My journal? How did she find it?"

Severus curses himself, answering that could put Lucius in danger.

"Lucius believed it would bring you back,"

The Dark Lord breaks into laugh, "you expect me to believe Lucius wanted me back? Severus, that man dreaded my return. I could see it in his eyes the day I recovered my body"

"He always has been loyal"

"He was loyal, however he would have killed me himself if he were strong enough," 

Severus can't deny that. Lucius could agree with the ideals, and he was a good friend of Tom once; however, after Tom manifest his intentions with him, Lucius became more protective than ever. Only fear kept Lucius from doing something stupid.

"Do you know why I hide that book?" Says Tom going back to the original conversation, "It absorbs your vital energy, materializing in the shape of the previous owner. It took away part of my magic and I imagine it did the same with this girl"

It would be harder to gain the complete collaboration of Weasley, one thing is being about to die, but being striped of their magic is so much worse. Dumbledore took away his wand after he ran away, and he remembers how hard were the summers after that.

“She will blame you,” Tom silence is answer enough. There is not an easy solution, and she could betray them when she realizes to whom Severus truly serves, “I will keep an eye on her, maybe with time she will understand.”

Optimism is not something he is good at, but he can’t bring himself to refuse to help a kid for fear. If no one had helped him when he was a child, he wouldn’t be alive.

“Beside the attempt of murder, what else can you tell me about her?”

“Not much, she is a Gryffindor,” he says as if it were excuse enough for not to know about the girl, “according to Flitwick, she is particularly good in charms”

Tom hums and scratch his newly formed nose. He is clearly thinking in something but Severus better than anyone knows he will not share it.

He tries to figurate a way on his own. Ginnevra probably hates the Dark Lord and Lucius in equal measure, and an apology wouldn’t be enough. But she must have realized by now that Dumbledore and most of the teachers are involved, if he convinces her they are her best and only option they might have a chance.

“She has no one else,” Severus is not sure of what he pretends with that comment, if he is trying to convince himself that sow fear in a helpless teenager is beyond wrong, or if he is giving Tom ideas.

Tom looks at him, as trying to determinate the same, “she will have protection from our side for as long as you say so”

“What about Lily?”

“For as long as you say” repeats Tom, however his tone a little darker this time, “also her little family if it is your wish”

It isn’t. He has nothing against the boy, not now his father appeared and he can see the true differences; however he still hates James and considers the world would be a better place without him on it. 

Not like he can say it out loud, though. Lily would never forgive him if something happens to her husband, so he just nods at the Lord’s unsaid question.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!


	29. Chapter 29

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all, I apologise for the long wait. This chapter was really hard to write, and to be honest, I am happy is already done.
> 
> Thanks for your comments and kudos. If you have ideas, see something that should be on the tags, or anything else, feel free to tell me.

He dreams of a werewolf chasing him, and his mother appearing from nowhere, interrupting his way. She grabs his arms with inhuman force, effectively immobilizing him. This leaves him at the complete mercy of the beast, who starts to lick his face, its foul breath hitting his nose causing him to gag. Then his clothes vanish, and the hot tongue moves down his body, the yellow teeth scraping the skin in its way. As he begs his mother to let him go, she laughs, not a word, just cruelly laughing at his fear.

His pyjamas and bed are soaking wet when he wakes up. As he rubs his forehead to clean the sweat, he feels the feverish heat against his hand. Perhaps Tom wasn’t so wrong about him getting sick.

His mind drifts back to his dream, thinking in how his mother never speaks in it. He realizes he can’t remember her voice anymore. Probably he has blocked it as he has blocked a great part of his life with his parents.

Not to remember is a blessing, but still stresses him at times. The werewolf could not be so far from reality and he is repulsed by the idea he was used by an animal once.

Now he feels dirtier than ever, and the sensation won’t go away at least he showers.

Cursing the absence of a bathroom in his rooms, he throws a cloak over his shoulders and steps outside. The cold breeze reminds him he has not changed his clothes. He curses again. If he is sick, he has made it worse to himself.

He hurries on his way to the manor, and when he finally arrives, he is exhausted. Even so, he thanks he is in a warm place now, and looks for the nearest bedroom with a bathroom.

His fingers tremble as he tries, uselessly, to unbutton his pyjama top. Sitting on the bed, he exhales frustrated, giving up and closing his eyes. 

He slowly drifts into sleep; his peace being interrupted by a hand shaking him.

With his eyes still closed, he groans and moves away.

“Severus?” Comes the concerned voice of Lucius at his side.

He blinks a few times but finds impossible to keep his eyes open. He feels extremely weak and his whole-body aches.

“Shower,” he says, hoping Lucius will infer the rest of the information from that word.

The hand moves to his neck, “You are burning, get under the covers”

He groans again, but obeys anyway; the room is cold and he is freezing.

“I am calling Cissa,” Determines Lucius, but Severus hand stop him.

“No”

It makes no sense to wake up Narcissa for just a cold, it surely can wait until next day. Now he needs to find a way to explain it to Lucius in the less possible words; he doesn’t trust himself with more than two words at a time.

“Yes,” replies Lucius, “now shut up and try to sleep”

He sighs and resigns to his fate. Curling on one side, he does as Lucius said, successfully falling sleep a few minutes later.

Again, the nightmare repeats, only this time instead of a werewolf it is a black dog. He still can hear his mother laughing when he wakes up.

There are whispers coming from the door. He can’t really understand what they are saying but he doesn’t need to be a genius to know they are talking about him.

The first he sees is Narcissa’s back. She is facing the ajar door speaking to someone on the other side. Lucius is in front of her, and he supposes the other person is Tom.

“What- what happened?” He asks hoarsely to nobody in particular.

“You are awake,” Says Narcissa coming to his side. “good, because now you can explain us how in the world did you contract dragon pox”

He stares in disbelief. Dragon pox is fairly common in children, but extremely rare in adult wizards. Most of the pureblood got vaccinated before assisting Hogwarts, and muggleborns were immune to it, so an epidemic was never an issue in school; it is cases like Severus, where there are pureblood ascendants but not access to the vaccine, the dangerous ones.

“I- I don’t know,” he answers weakly. The truth is he has no idea, none of the children has got sick lately and his contact with the outside world is almost inexistent, “I haven’t been exposed”

She sighs. “As far as you know”

“What’s happening?” He says referring to the scene on the door.

“The Dark Lord wants to enter, but he, like you, is not vaccinated”

Tom’s physical health is still weak for the constant changes, and Dragon pox could be fatal on itself. The older the person is, the more the disease would affect them, and Tom is almost seventy.

Severus feels a knot in his stomach. He was with Tom the day before and probably already infected him.

“Put an isolation spell and let me talk to him. I can convince him,” He offers and Narcissa nods.

“No touching,” She warns before casting the spell and letting the Dark Lord in.

Severus forces a smile and raises himself on his elbows. “You should go to your rooms”

“I will. Once you are healthy again”

He shakes his head, “If you get sick, I will have to tend you, and I have no strength to do it right now,” Tom is going to protest but Severus keep talking, “I am begging you, Tom, I really need to rest. Do not get sick today”

He let his head fall back, hoping he has been convincing enough. 

“Narcissa says I cannot come closer,” It sounds like an apology. Severus just nods, confirming the woman’s words. “You will call me if you need anything. I don’t care if it is a glass of water, you call me” 

“I will be fine, Tom”

“And you will report me about his health every hour,” This isn’t told to him but to the Malfoys, “Severus will not be alone at any time”

After everyone in the room agreed to Tom’s conditions, he finally goes away. Narcissa follows him to start a preventive treatment, leaving Lucius with him.

“How do you feel?” Asks the blond as he puts a glass and a jar of water on the night table, “Are you hungry?”

“I am cold,” he complains and Lucius covers him with another blanket, “thank you”

It’s been a long time since the last time someone took care of him when sick. Despite Pomfrey’s insistence, he never visited the infirmary. A full examination could reveal the bond, and give her potential blackmail material. In another scenario, she could feel compelled to inform of his status to the ministry, which would be even worse.

Lucius watches him from a chair at his side. It is impossible for him to sleep being so closely observed, but he doesn’t mind. As soon as he closes his eyes, the same dream will repeat. Maybe it is a centaur or a hippogriff this time, but the forest and his mother will still be there, and also the feeling of self-disgust when he wakes up.

It is a long shot, but when he was rescued, it was Lucius who healed him. He is the only one who could know what really happened in there and perhaps this is his opportunity of obtaining answers.

"You healed me when I arrived at Tom's house," It is not a question, and it seems to have taken Lucius by surprise.

“We did it with Cissy,” replies he frowning, “it has been a long time”

“I want to know what did you find,” 

They have never had this conversation before, not with great detail. Severus knows the basic, he was with his parents a week, hidden in a closet three days after that, and then healed and sleeping for another two. It was enough, but now he is desperate for someone who tell him there weren’t animals involved.

“There was not much to find,” he says standing and pouring some water in the glass, “your mother healed you before the deal was complete”

“But there was some damage”

Lucius turns to him, and sits at the edge of the bed. As he leans forward, he fixes his eyes on some undetermined point of the wall. He looks defeated. It makes Severus wonder if Lucius has purposely avoided the topic.

“They broke your bones, your teeth, and then repair them. They did it over and over again, until it was impossible to heal them properly.”

It isn’t a surprise. A year before he broke a rib and it took more than a week to be fixed. Severus is certain he can feel the fracture through the skin and now he knows why.

“I have noticed it,” For a moment he thinks in reproaching him for not telling him before, but he dismissed the idea; there are more important things he wants to know. “What else?”

“We believe you were hit in the stomach several times, and that is the reason you do not absorb all the nutrients in your food; you have a constant vitamin deficit because of that.” Lucius stops there, and Severus notices how his right hand slightly trembles. Grasping his knee, he continues, “Your genitals- your genitals were totally destroyed for so many changes, we had to rebuild them completely, and we were afraid they would no longer be functional.”

Severus closes his eyes, and focus on his breath. It explains some things, like why he felt better when one of those men tried to pleasure him than any time with his lover. Or why it sometimes hurt without apparent reason. It shouldn’t come as a shock, but is still hard to hear.

“She used polyjuice on me so they could offer more variety to their clients. Sometimes they used the hair of girls" He says in a whisper. For some reason he feels the need to tell his friend that he does remember a part of it, "I always thought he forced her but now..."

The rest of the sentence is left hanging. Lucius must have known about the collar and his mother, and his conclusions are probably the same.

“It is in the past; it is time to move on”

Easier to say it than do it, and he wants to scream at Lucius that is him who has to live with the nightmares, the flashbacks and all the health issues they caused. He wants to punch the blond, but a look at him and all his anger is banished.

Lucius has not moved from his position. The eyes are still glued to the wall, the only change Severus can see is the tears glistening on the corners of his eyes. For the first time he stops to think how it was for his friend to have to heal a teenager no much younger than himself. Lucius was nineteen at the time, he had just married and wanted to have a large family; it must have been traumatic to realize how sick people could be.

"It was not your fault, Lucius. You did your best"

Blinking a few times, Lucius turns to him. Convoking a wet towel, he puts it over Severus forehead.

"Why are you asking?"

Severus looks aside, suddenly feeling self-conscious. It is embarrassing to have to admit out loud what he believes they did, and that he wants to know about it. Maybe it is the moment of stopping the question, but this can be his only chance and he can’t lose it.

"Did they ever use animals?" He holds his breath, expecting Lucius to start to laugh, or to stare at him in disgust; but Lucius does neither of those things, he stays where he is with a neutral expression on his face, waiting for an explanation, "I have been dreaming"

"You were already healed, there was nothing that indicated anything like that." 

"Neither there was anything that indicates the opposite,"

"In the house there was nothing. Not animal bowl or food, or a bed for it. I think it is safe to tell there weren't animal. They are only dreams; you are just tired, Severus"

"Thanks Lucius," he says trying to sound honest enough. It is a lie only told to make him feel better; Lucius was never inside the house. “I think I need a shower”


	30. Chapter 30

“I want a shower,” Severus repeats for the hundredth time that day.

After the talk about his parents, there is nothing he wants more than a shower, but his petition has been denied so far. Narcissa prohibited it, and Lucius would blindly obey his wife’s medical orders.

“Do you want some water?” Asked Lucius from the chair at his side.

It had been his strategy to try to distract Severus, but after failing every time one would expect he give up or think in something else.

“Lucius, it itches,” Complained Severus gesturing the red spots covering his skin, refusing to say his true reasons out loud.

“Maybe we can arrange an oatmeal bath later, after we speak with Narcissa”

“I don’t want an oatmeal bath; I want a bloody normal shower”

He exhales soundly through the nose, looking like a child who is about to throw a tantrum.

Lucius stands and takes a tray he had left over the drawer earlier. Forcing a smile, he offers it to Severus.

“What about food?”

Losing the last of his patience, Severus knocks the tray out of Lucius’ hands, making it crash against the wall.

“I don’t want your fucking food. I. Want. A. Shower.” 

Lucius’ smile is gone, but otherwise there is no reaction from him. The impassivity of the blond is driving him insane; he wants him to yell, to curse, so he has an excuse to kick him out of the room and take his coveted shower.

Huffing, he closes his eyes to try to sleep. Lucius stares at him as he does, just increasing Severus’ anger.

“Would you stop looking at me like a fucking creep?”

Lucius’ lips tighten and the right eye twitch. It might be almost imperceptible, but Severus knows his friend enough and he is about to lose it.

Sadly, he doesn’t have the time to prove his theory because Narcissa choices that moment to enter.

“How are you feeling, Severus?”

“Bloody fucking perfect,” says he sarcastically.

She doesn’t comment on his bad mood and starts to cast diagnostic spells. A parchment fills with his multiple health issues, some in red ink that he knows are the ones she needs to pay attention. He loudly curses; that means he won’t be allowed to leave the bed any time soon.

“Your fever is going down but is still high. The blisters should stop spreading in the next few hours. The good news it is that, at this rate, you should be fine in a couple of days”

“How lucky”

“The Dark Lord is here,”

Without another word, husband and wife abandon the room and, in their place, enters Tom.

“Apparently my body still works mostly as a snake,” he informs as thinking Severus is going to protest.

Severus has no intention of doing so. The last hours has been stressful and for the first time he couldn’t care less about the health of his ex-lover. Instead, his jaw clenches at the unfairness of being the only one in that manor who is sick.

“I want a shower,” he says again, hoping Tom would be more reasonable than Lucius.

“Narcissa says you must not leave the bed.” He glares at Tom. “It will be just a couple of days.”

His expression doesn’t change, so Tom’s hand comes to cup his cheek as he stares at him with pity. It’s then when Severus decides he has had enough; he grasps Tom’s wrist and separates him brusquely.

“Don’t. Touch. Me.” He is sick of being patronizing, of being treated like a child who can be bossed around by anyone, “You know what, I don’t have to ask for permission. I am an adult”

He stands from the bed, noticing his muscles hurt but too proud to go back.

“Severus,” tries Tom putting a hand over his shoulder.

In an outburst of accidental magic, he throws Tom away, “I told you not to touch me!”

He stalks into the bathroom and slams the door behind. As he takes away his clothes, his eyes catch his reflection in the mirror. It’s been years he has not looked directly into one. Mirrors usually brings bad memories and this is not the exception.

An ugly man is on the other side, and he resembles too much to a teenager he once knew. The same black eyes, the same large nose and the same crooked teeth, and his mind can’t avoid to return back to those years.

It was one of the few times he was himself, which only make it harder to ignore. He couldn’t fake it wasn’t him, that the hands weren’t touching _his_ body, and the lips weren’t kissing _his_ neck; and he also couldn’t ignore he was enjoying it. Because he enjoyed it at times, and that is one of the things that sickened him the most.

Now he can’t ignore it either. He can feel the hands touching him, even if he can’t see them. It feels wrong, and he tries to bat them away; but there is nothing to bat away.

Tears starts to run down his cheek, and he begs them to let him go. First is barely a whisper, then it turns into screams, until it he finally hears the glass breaking and there are no more black eyes returning his look.

He isn’t sure if it weren’t his fists or his magic, neither realizes when splinters of the shattered mirror bury in his skin. There is blood, but he is too absorbed in the invisible hands touching him to pay attention to it.

He moves back, still crying and begging, trying to get away. His back hits with the wall, and he knows there is nowhere else to go. He slides to the floor and hugs his knees, and the last he sees is a red light covering him.


	31. Chapter 31

He finds himself lying on a bed. He isn’t sure how he got there but he can say he is still in Malfoy manor; the patterns on the walls are the same as the rest of the bedrooms. 

His wand is lying on the night-table, but as he tries to reach for it, he realizes his hands are bound to the bed. He starts to panic, to his mind come images of the day before and how he has acted as a baby. Maybe the Dark Lord has finally got tired of his constant whining and decided to put the collar again, this time forever. 

“Calm down or I will not take away the spell,” warns Lucius from the door; however, the tone is gentle. He ignores him and keeps struggling with the invisible ropes. “Severus, calm down, they are there for your own protection.” 

He doesn’t listen, he needs to know if it is there again. 

With a sigh, Lucius waves his wand and unties him. Severus’ hands go directly to his neck, and after checking it is naked, he allows himself to breath. 

“Tom told us what happened. You lost the control of your magic and we did not know how you were going to react when you wake up.” 

That reassures him a little. Losing the control of his magic was something frequent in his adolescence; it happened when flash backs became too real, or when his emotions were too strong. He hardly remembered what happened in those occasions, only that they left him confused and scared of himself. 

“I was not going to do anything stupid,” He mumbles as he rubs his wrists. 

Lucius sits on the edge of the bed and gently takes his right arm. Pulling up his sleeve, he traces the white line of a past scar. He had come close that day. If Lucius wouldn’t have arrived in time, or if he wouldn’t have hesitated in the last minute; but he remembered Lily’s words in the middle of the spell, ‘ _just for enemies, promise me, Severus, just for enemies_. 

They don’t speak about it anymore, but his meltdown of the day before must have really scared his friend. 

“I will not do it again,” He says brusquely retiring his arm and covering it again. 

“Good,” Replies Lucius simply, “Do you want to talk about it?” 

Severus knows that Lucius doesn’t want him to talk about it. He wants to leave the past in the past, enough he has with had been in there. And Severus doesn’t want to talk either, but for some reason everyone seems obsessed with the idea that he needs to. 

“Shacklebolt thinks that I need therapy,” 

“And you don’t?” Severus lifts an eyebrow, “I could find someone discrete-” 

“Lucius, stop, we had a deal” 

He had tried therapy before, forced by the Malfoys and Tom. The deal was simple, try it for a few years, and when he turned seventeen, he could do whatever he wanted. It consisted in a mix of potions and counselling, but Severus had become an expert in making the therapists quit. No one last more than two sessions with him. 

The counselling was left when he turned seventeen, but he kept taking the potions. The others were conformed and fulfilled their part of the deal, stopping nagging him about it. He abandoned everything when Lily died. 

Lucius holds up his hands to placate him, “I leave the offer there” 

“I just wanted a shower,” He confessed with a sigh, realizing too late how childish it sounded. 

“I know, but you and I know that it wasn’t just a shower,” Severus look up to him without understanding, “you would have scrubbed your skin raw, and you are full of blisters” 

Lucius is right, it is exactly what would have happened, and he can’t avoid to look away ashamed. The next words are the hardest he has had to say in a while. 

“I am sorry for the way I treated you,” 

Something like guilt passes across Lucius’ face, “I should had taken away the mirror,” 

He frowns. “Lucius, you can’t possibly be blaming yourself for this,” 

Lucius’ expression returns to normal, the moment of weakness passing, “Tom is not angry, but he wants to see you” 

Before Lucius could leave, Severus grabs his arm. This is his last chance to ask and have some closure. “Lucius, what happened to my parents?” 

“I don’t know” 

After years of spying, Severus knows to recognize a lie when he hears one, “if you don’t want to tell me, say so, but do not treat me like an idiot,” 

His friend seems to hesitate for a few seconds, “your father is not around anymore, but I truly don’t know about your mother. It took us time to track them down and, when we did, your father was alone.” 

Severus doesn’t bother in asking to whom he refers with ‘we’, he doesn’t even want details, there is only one thing he needs to know. 

“Did he pay?” 

“With every fibre of his being,” Lucius makes a pause, as giving him space for more questions; but he doesn’t have any. As long as the bastard had suffered, it’s fine with him. “If there is not anything else...” 

Severus shakes his head, and his friend goes away. 

Once alone in the room, his attention goes to his looks. The blisters on his hands and arms have burst, and he supposes is the same with the ones on his face. His pyjamas are dishevelled and the same he has been using since he got sick, and his hair is greasier than ever. Despite he has seen him worse, it is not a proper way to meet Tom. 

_Disgusting_ , he thinks as he tries to stand from the bed and go to the bathroom. 

“Go back to bed, Severus,” 

The tone is gentle but firm, however is not that what makes Severus stop on his tracks. There is a blue bruise beneath Tom’s right eye. He achieves to suppress the gasp but can’t do anything with his eyes widening at the view. 

“Did I-?” 

“It wasn’t your fault, my skin is too sensitive,” 

Severus snorts. “My mother used to say the same,” he looks away, “I am sorry” 

Tom closes the few steps that separate them, his hands going to his shoulders to indicate him to sit on the bed. He does the same. 

“It is the true, my skin is fragile because of the changes and it doesn’t respond to magical healing.” Severus conforms with that. Even if he stills feels guilty, there is nothing he can do. “How long have you been having these episodes?” 

Better is asking when he hasn’t. They never fully stopped; they just became less frequent with time. 

“I have it controlled,” He answers evasively, shifting uncomfortable on his place. 

“Severus, if Dumbledore-” Severus glances up to him. “He already knows” 

“He found out last year, when he hired Moody” 

It had been a little after the mark started to burn again. The confrontation with the werewolf was still fresh on his mind, and the impending return of Voldemort had him on the edge. The moment Dumbledore informed him that Moody would be around was the last straw. 

“How did he react?” 

He looks down again. Dumbledore had not reacted well. He had woken up tied, in a room that he didn’t even know existed. That day he discovered Hogwarts had a psychiatric wing; he was locked in there for an entire week. 

Dumbledore had visited every day, cleaning him and talking to him. It was his only company, and Severus learnt to appreciate the man more and more. He knew Dumbledore was a busy man, he could perfectly just assign a domestic elf to him; however, he had made the time to doing himself. 

Despite his gratitude, a part of Severus would always be ashamed of how helpless he was; because he was truly tied the entire week, having to depend in the headmaster on everything. That time also had been for his own safety. 

“He tied me,” he says simply, showing his wrists as if they were still bound but not offering further information. 

Red crosses Tom’s eyes, but just as fast as it comes, it is gone. Severus doesn’t remind him that they tied him too. 

Tom takes one of his hands, “What do I have to do to convince you to not to go back?” 

“Protect the students. All of them,” says Severus. “I will be fine, I have handled Dumbledore for fifteen years, I can do it for a few months” 

“This year, Severus. Promise me this is the last year you work for that crazy old man” 

It is not a promise he can make; he will work there for as long as it is necessary to protect the students and Lily. 

“I promise,” 

He wonders if he has been successful in lying the Dark Lord, or if he is just pretending to believe him. It is impossible to know, but there is no protest from him thus he just assumes he has. 

Tom takes his hand to his lips, “I won’t let him hurt you again” 

This time is Severus who decides to believe the lie.


	32. Chapter 32

As soon as Narcissa gives her blessing to abandon the bed, Severus takes his so asked shower and starts to work. Being bedridden has delayed all his project, and he has no time to lose. 

The only condition has been he is not allowed to go outside, so he finds refuge in the library, asking Tom to retrieve his notes from his rooms. 

With three books opened in front of him, he scribbles as fast as he can on a parchment. His eyes dart from one book to the other, his ideas going faster than his hands, making the handwriting practically unintelligible. 

Narcissa will hate him when he shares his progress with her. He has never been good explaining what’s inside his head, and it will be impossible for her to read the parchments. 

Going over the notes again, he compares the facts written with the books, making sure he doesn’t miss anything. He jumps when he meets Tom’s intense gaze from the other side of the table. 

He looks amused at his reaction, and Severus scowl at him. 

“What is so funny?” 

Tom smiles. “It has been a long time since I don’t see you working so concentrate” 

“It has been a long you have not seen me working.” 

Tom winces at his words and Severus bites his tongue. After his return, Tom only paid attention to him for the reports about the school, or if he wanted to torture him. 

“I want to talk to you,” He starts. 

Severus leaves the quill in the ink bottle, “yes?” 

“There will be a meeting later,” 

“And you want me to be there,” Severus complete. 

“It is up to you,” 

“You are my master, Tom. If you tell me to be there, I will be there” 

“I am not your master,” 

“I am not talking about the slavery bond,” Tom lifts one of his non-existent eyebrows, “Tom, this will not work if you keep doing this. You are the leader; you need to take the decision and I will obey” 

“Severus, you are my most trusted advisor-” 

“And you can’t afford to worry about my feelings,” interrupts Severus, “Tom, I am just another death eater and you are our leader. I will disagree with you and I will let you know, but you need to keep your head cold if we pretend to win this war.” 

“I would really appreciate if you go,” he makes a pause, “Bellatrix and the others will be there too” 

“Are you sure they are ready? Narcissa seemed concerned about them,” 

“Narcissa always looks concerned. They are ready enough.” 

Severus also has his reserves. Narcissa is their healer, worrying is her job. 

“Very well, it will be an interesting meeting then,” He comments as he lowers his head and takes the quill to keep working. 

He expects to Tom to go away now the conversation is over, but the older man doesn’t move. With an exaggerate motion, he takes one of the books to let him know his presence is no longer welcome. Tom doesn’t even blink. 

Rolling his eyes, he lifts his head again. “Is there something else I can help you with?” 

“No,” 

“Then...” he gestures the door, again with no effect, “Tom, I am working” 

“I know,” 

He begins to write again, determined to continue with his research and have some progress that day. Perhaps if he ignores him long enough, Tom will get bored and stop looking at him with that dreamy smile. 

“We had something beautiful once,” says Tom suddenly after a while, his prying eyes studying his reaction. 

Severus knows him, and despite it is not a conversation he looks forward to have, it is necessary. 

“Yes, we _had,_ ” He remarks the word ‘had’. 

“Would you be willing to try it again?” Asks Tom ignoring his tone, 

Severus sighs and shakes his head, “I don’t think I can.” 

It’s the moment of being honest, better not to give Tom false hopes. What they had it will never be the same, and pretend the opposite will only end with the two of them hurt. 

Tom’s face falls, “I still love you, Severus, and I know you still love me. You went through hell to save me. Only love can explain that” 

A sad smile forms on his face. Tom is right, he still loves him; however, they cannot be together, and Tom must accept it. 

“Tom, even if I forgive you, this cannot be,” he says carefully, knowing it is a delicate subject and the wrong word could cause Tom to change again, “I am sorry, Tom, but you were the epitome of abusive boyfriend,” 

“I wasn’t myself,” Protests Tom, his hand going to slam the table but stopping in the middle of the air. He closes his fist and lowers it again. 

“I know you weren’t yourself, but it does not change the fact that you torture me, and I don’t want to become into my mother. I do love you, but for me is not a matter of ‘if’ you are going to hurt me but a ‘when’ you are going to do it, and I cannot spend the rest of my life with fear of my partner.” 

“And if I find a way to assure you it will not happen away? Would you reconsider?” 

“If you are thinking in an unbreakable vow, it is not possible. You are my master, and masters cannot have obligations towards their slaves,” Severus knows Tom is aware of this information, however his ex-lover has the bad habit of ignoring logic when it comes to their relationship, “You can break the oath. That, if you can make it at all” 

“But if I find a way?” He insists, this time more desperate. 

Despite his brain keeps telling him it is impossible, something like hope rises inside of him. At times Tom defeated any logic with his stubbornness; it was one of the reasons he fell in love with him in the first place. Perhaps he is just as desperate as Tom to believe it. 

“Yes, Tom. If you find a way to assure me that you will not turn into something like my father, we can be together.”


End file.
